can'T YOU HEAR ME?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU?!
thePROJECTIVE IDENTIFICATION
story: Gestalt therapist, trainer and supervisor in Moscow Gestalt Institute Tatiana Samorukova, Gestalt therapist, psychologist Anna, Nine, Gestalt therapist, psychologist Constantine Samorukov.
the Theme of manipulation is limitless. On youtube channel GestaltUniverse we talked about how the mechanisms of manipulation and how to handle them in your life.
In this article we continue the topic and tell you about the kind of manipulation, and projective identification. We give practical, interesting and applicable to life recommendations and show you how to win in an unequal struggle for the idea to force You to behave as the manipulator wants. Projective identification - one of those times when someone provokes You to a certain behavior. Or You can, consciously or not, to provoke the other person's specific behavior. We are sure once we look at an example, You will understand what it was and surprised to notice that've seen such manipulation in my life.
so. Imagine a day off. Family. Wife is upset health problems, worries and experiences. Wife needed the help and support of her husband. But she is silent about it, hiding feelings (maybe she's setting from childhood – it is impossible to load her husband's problems). Hides so skillfully that her husband did not realize that we need help. The wife gets annoyed, but remains silent. Instead, she utters to her husband: "What are you angry, do you hear how you speak to me! Why are you yelling at me!? Swear!" In this case, husband is sympathetic and does not swear, but under the pressure of the claims do not stand up and starts to get angry: "you just got me, did the dishes, cleaned rarely, children do not feed". Occurs a quarrel in which the wife is left alone with his problem and convinced of the correctness: it is impossible to speak about the problems her husband.
In this example we see a case of projective identification, i.e. the distorted perception of a loved one and psychological pressure on him to cause neosoznanno the "right" behavior. This unconscious provocation, which is used to inflate the conflict in the case when the reason for the quarrel not.
Example illustrates this. Wife acting like the husband really couldn't hear it, not making it clear "but is it true?" and then rejecting first contact with her husband.
the mechanism Described in the Gestalt approach and other directions are called projective identification. When the projection and intreccia work together, they are combined into a single protection, called projective identification. In other words, one first projects the internal objects, and forces of the person on whom it projects, to act like these objects – as if he had the same intracta.
starting the MECHANISM of PROJECTIVE IDENTIFICATION
Projective identification occurs in a family, a business, a friendly, collegial and other relationships. In terms of the Gestalt approach, we are talking about personality, a representation of the person about himself, about his "bad" and "good" qualities, past experiences, habitual patterns of behavior.
the rule is a necessary component of development. If the idea of themselves intolerable, the man splits and projects the unbearable quality of self on the outside, abandoning them. By elimination, aggression directed against parts of the self is redirected to the outside. So, negative emotions, until the hatred now directed at the other person (projection).
the Mechanism of projective identification is triggered by anxiety in the case if the person refuses to clarify the true causes of the experiences and chooses to take control of the situation by using projective identification. There is an organization of the usual situation in which the person already "knows" how to behave and manage time, so feel safe.
Often, the goal is to force the partner to experience the feelings that the person is not able to containerwith inside, or doesn't know how to Express in any other way, except how to make their partner feel also. And then it's like a cry for help "understand me, understand what I feel, share my feelings."
HOW to BEHAVE WHEN provoked
Let's look at another example of the operation of the mechanism projective identification in the life: Imagine a married couple. Husband influential media figure, appearing on the TV screens. Wife - relaxed and hospitable housewife. At work husband hard and peremptory, and it's hard not to notice. But at home he's different, he removes the mask of the head. The wife, seeing the picture on the screen and husband was at work, afraid when he comes home and behaves towards her husband properly, its legs in the air. The poor man misses affection warmth and comfort instead of resting gets provocation on aggressive behavior.
this is the true difference between a projection which is characteristic of more healthy people from projective identification which is characteristic of more disturbed.
That is important not only to project something of himself into man, but to bring it to a behavior that corresponds to these projections.
This wonderful mechanism starts the most conflicts in Russian families. Therefore, it is important to understand it.
HOW to STOP PROVOCATION
In this case, the following questions will help to stop the mechanism of projective identification and to help you notice projection: Who do you see in me? Like who are you talking to me? Do you see that I'm your husband/wife.
Skontrolovat and support partner designation will help clear the facts with a point at the end. For example: Sonya, I love you and want you to succeed. I didn't mean to offend you, if you need help I can help you. When your partner realize that You are friendly towards him, we can ask: What's wrong with you now? I say and offer so-and-so. How can you hear me?
Task to resist direct aggression, which is provoked. This approach will help to restore the dialogue between the partners.
CUSTOMER IN the framework of the GESTALT APPROACH
In the study the Gestalt therapist people will continue to manipulate, as in life. To reject the importance of the client-therapeutic relationship, to try to destroy them as useless and harmful. The customer's task is to destroy the therapist as a therapist, to deprive the Foundation of a therapeutic identity. The paradox is that the therapeutic relationship is what helps the client to grow up and stop endlessly to play infantile fantasies. The task of the therapist to demonstrate to the client that his affect is associated with the need for relationships. Schizoid state to develop just such a feeling like the need for love too much and I will swallow the object with no residue. Then, for safety reasons, it is better to abandon any desire.
Thanks to the work of the Gestalt therapist, the person sees the projection and understands where it is provocative. Aware of the cause and take responsibility for the provocative attack. This results in a change of behavior. And search for new ways to meet needs.
SUMMARIZING the ARTICLE, we DENOTE the RULE AT a MEETING WITH PROJECTIVE IDENTIFICATION:
- If someone in it makes You experience towards him the feelings are not corresponding to natural sensations. Be on the lookout. Do not believe what impose.
- Pay attention if the adult behaves like a child or throws childish ideas as the only true.
- Bring to light the person at the expense of clarifying questions, set psychological boundaries based on facts. It support partner to rebuild the behavior, to move away or approach.
- don't be afraid to move away to come close and Vice versa.
If You are interested in this topic and want to find out more how to operate these mechanisms in other mental processes we invite you to our group:
the Coach, supervisor, Gestalt therapist Moscow Gestalt Institute Tatiana Samorukova, +79165454826
Gestalt therapist, psychologist Anna Nine, +79161919699
Gestalt therapist, psychologist Konstantin Samorukov +79262791642
Youtube channel - GestaltUniverse
