8 years ago scientists came to the conclusion that lonely people's immune system is much worse. In addition, their brain responds to negative events is sharper, which ultimately leads to greater isolation, as on a subconscious level they are trying to protect themselves from various threats of a social nature.
"If I feel lonely, my brain is already in this state, accordingly, I'm starting to gravitate towards more isolated..." - this statement by the famous American psychologist John T. Cacioppo, who has made a significant contribution to the development of modern social psychology. The psychologist believed that this desire must be fought, otherwise there is a risk of prolonged depression.
What is loneliness?
Loneliness - socio-psychological phenomenon, emotional state associated with the lack of relatives, positive emotional connections with people and/or fear of their loss as a result of forced or having psychological causes of social exclusion. In the framework of the notion can highlight positive and negative solitude. In the first case, it is a wonderful feeling called solitude (quite a pleasant feeling, but only if the person has a social circle that he can get out of its isolation). However, most people mean by the word "loneliness" a negative meaning, implying exclusion of the individual from society (the feeling suppresses the desire to do anything, anything to strive for, causing frustration and an aching in the soul, the disappointment towards the world).
How to overcome loneliness? There is no universal blueprint or magic pills to "cure" this condition, but people around us can't physically change in our life situation. Inclusiveness in the first place is hard work on yourself, because no one can live our lives for us.
so, what are the questions you need to think?
- bad Why are you alone? Causing pain and despair? Your honest answer to this question will help to understand and respect others to the person. Is there a secondary gain from the condition of loneliness? For example, people like to feel the helplessness that has already become habitual, like to complain to others problems that you do not want to take responsibility for their actions. There are individuals who are generally not willing to share emotions and feelings with anyone (they feel an oppressive need to "take" – in this case, inside they have a void, and consumer attitude will only alienate the people around them), or they have nothing to give to the partner (no love, fullness of life, internal energy). In some cases it may spread the state of shame for themselves and the fear that someone finds out all the secret corners of the soul and turn away. Can be childhood traumas, which caused a strong conviction that the relationship is pain.Having defined with their deep feelings associated with the relationship, you need to work them out. Every negative belief you need to confront, denying the real facts of life – are you ready to take responsibility for their actions, you are the worst person in the world, there is someone who will get real pleasure from communication with you, you are ready to share their emotions, but the relationship is not always pain.Make the decision to find a partner who'd pick up the pace of your life 100%. In this case, the best option is to put the issue "squarely" to yourself – or to find a partner for joint life, or stop to think about it, to forget about the joy of relationships and to engage in any other business (new projects, family, friends, self-realization and development). You can use effective technique is to imagine that the life actually lived, and to evaluate it. What could have been done in 30 years? About what unfinished business you can spare? Asking yourself these questions, you need to be honest with yourself, because life is one, no second chance. We therefore have to test all the possible feelings and experiences, not to regret about wasted years.Carefully consider the desired qualities of the partner. You can use the usual list. However, it is necessary to consider one important caveat – all that you are write, it may be the shortcomings of the partner, so you should carefully analyze the list and determine what flaws can be tolerated. Each of us has flaws, nobody's perfect.
as an example, consider the situation when, during the compilation of the list was not considered one of the qualities of a future partner. For example, such qualities as kind, considerate, generous, caring, interesting, smart lists were, but wishes to appearance not taken into account. As a result, the partner was found, but looks can push, so additionally have to consider this nuance.
you must Also perform the role of this person in your life – the breadwinner, the need for bodily contact, joint visit any of events and more. Thus it is possible to consider a complete portrait of a future partner.
6. To determine the price of a relationship (time, energy, extra effort, work on yourself, minimum/maximum value to the partner, the amount of contribution to the relationship, etc.). Are you ready to pay this price? If not, then what would?
7. To use different mental tools – visualization, affirmation, and strategy plans. In the spiritual world and in the relations they also have some use.
8. Act! You can't sit at home waiting for the miracle. Your life need to build by their own rules and to achieve the desired to make some effort.
Specifically for this situation – you can register on different Dating sites, going to theatres, restaurants, cafes, clubs, to attend training and seminars, to take the initiative to meet people, to be open to watch the others. However, it is not necessary to strive too zealously to be everywhere initiative, it can cause a person emotionally burn out.
you Can be in solitude and get the real satisfaction, but in any case should be close to the person on whom you can rely.
you can Watch my video on the topic of psychology and psychotherapy here