There is in Gestalt therapy, the notion of interruption of the Contact. Or the breakdown of the cycle of contact, when the energy cycle is interrupted. But the cycle is very simple – precontact (approximation, familiarity), contacting (early interaction, and development), full contact ( fully open interaction) and, finally, postcontact (energy crashes, needs met, is the assimilation of experience, the end of contact, satisfaction from it). This cycle is present everywhere – in physiology, in relationships, in business. And if the contact on any of the stages is interrupted, in Gestalt therapy, this is called resistance, when a lot of energy, need open, and to continue its satisfaction impossible. There remains a certain impossibility and a keen desire to meet this need, and the energy to post. That is, to complete the Gestalt. And if not found a constructive way, the unconscious will seek to repeat a similar experience with the aim of completing the old-fashioned way, which will lead to the old results. The people - the same rake.
I now want to talk about personal interruption of the contact. When here he was, alive, bright, or not at least assumed the continuation, and suddenly, interrupted. This cliff is quite hurts the other party, the one which remained open to communication, and even for some time doesn't understand that "return" will be gone.
Those who breaks the contact, you can try to divided into three categories:
- Those who want to punish, to hurt.
unfortunately, this category, are some mothers. To punish the child they enjoy the most, from my point of view, a terrible psychological weapon - silence, withdrawal from contact. "I'm not talking" it sounded like thunder from a clear sky, and no worse for the child punishment. Better scold, scream, and even beat, but see, hear, notice. That he is that he here is such a naughty. bad, but it's there. Care of contact the child perceives as the most acute, the most painful rejection. He feels unwanted, abandoned, alone. This is especially amplified when he pulls the mother into contact, and she remains silent. Moreover, he really thinks he's bad because the child does not even arise fantasies, what is it with parents that something is wrong. So can be fixed this trauma of rejection and people in adulthood will unconsciously reproduce it.
the Next category is the partners. Typically, these partners grow out of the very children rejected in this way. But here they are not just "punishing" the other, they have manipulated and hooked on the feeling of guilt. "Look what you're doing to me", or "guess what you did wrong." The purest of passive aggression. the
Next, you can refer to child abuse. When one of her classmates revealed a certain 'otherness', this is a flaw, saying "you're not like us", and starts baiting or boycott. Or one interspersed with the other. But the boycott is incredible power of denial. Experiencing the outcast, we can only guess. Well shown this method of "punishment of the outcast" in the film the Scarecrow Rolan Bykov. Cruelty is rejecting is the inability to see and accept what he rejects in another. Or to assimilate the pain because the pain is often another cause of his inner pain. Rarely the one who is in harmony with itself and the world will cause someone pain.
Leaving the contact may be in relationship, friendship, business relationships and romantic. Code one party just disappears. Here we can talk about passive aggression, and the fear of clarification of relations, visiting of direct conflict, fear to meet with the anger, resentment, other feelings of the other party. In General abdication of responsibility. Or rather, escape..
the Second side, which is still some time in contact, because the Gestalt is open and energy is left, is faced with a not very pleasant experiences. First confusion, then denial (can't be), fantasies, what I did wrong, then cold, icing, despair, pain, Release anger – this is the beginning of healing. Using anger energy can live and contact gradually be completed (even in the absence of the second party) and will gradually come to an acceptance. Although this scar will remain. And will pull the weather or when someone's awkward movement hurt him.
If it is intolerable to live the rejection, the threat of start to complete the Gestalt unconstructive, destructive ways – alcohol, sexualization, unwanted contacts, "vprygivanie" into the first relationship. And this leads, rather, to the re-breakdown, the most beloved rake.
Care, I would say, escape from the contact is the inability to take responsibility for what is happening, the inability to get direct clarification, accommodation of conflict, clash with another's response, sometimes a very strong resentment, anger, etc. Some people are easier to "blame" than to explain why he (she) does it, to say NO, to stay solid in the adult position. Because of the escape is children's reaction – I'm bad, punish me, I'll have to listen to the sermons.
the interruption of the contact leaves of unrealized energy, which requires a completion, which, unfortunately, can lead to a similar situation. Because our unconscious will simulate a similar situation. Therefore, it is important to learn to go to the clearing, to live in conflict situation to end, to be able to say "no". Only then can we move to a new level of relations.