Under the guise of a rescuer. Where to find out?

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Good day!

Write the promised article Honorable mission lifeguard.

As I wrote earlier, the role of rescuer is a set of sustainable patterns of human behavior that emerged as a result of development in childhood and ensure survival. 

Let's look at how this role in childhood formed.

When a young child sees a crying mother, the mother is not in the resource, then the child naturally have a feeling of anxiety. Because the mother ensures the survival for the child. Parents (or other adults the people with whom the child is growing) is essentially the only source of survival for him.

the Child does not know how to react. He begins trying different behaviors, and watching the mother's reaction. At some point he comes and hugs mom starts to stroke it. Mom starts to calm down and smile, calling the child with gentle words. The child saw that his actions led to specific results. Mother again became quiet that the child perceives as a rising security, is the corresponding release of neurotransmitters that encourage behavior that increases its survival. If this trick the child can do several times, the appropriate neural chain is firmly fixed.

When the baby had saved his mother from crying, then thus whether it is those problems that have led to the fact that my mom started to cry? The answer is unequivocal - no! But the child inside has decided that he decided her mother's problem with their actions. He felt himself above the mother, the mother herself failed, but he did. And it is pure illusion of well-formed and established in childhood, then to the whole world. Because for the child mother is the whole world. 

that is a violation of the of the hierarchy of law. Next, the child grows, it becomes stronger and more capable of carrying the load for parents, it serves the interests of parents, not living your life. The level of aggression increases. Because mom won't let more sense of security. If Mama gave him, then in adulthood the child must ensure their safety. But the baby's head firmly setting the (dynamic stereotype): "I save the mother, and she gives me a sense of security". But this is not happening. An adult mother has nothing to give. It does not satisfy his basic needs because they have become other. The disruption of the dynamic stereotype increases the level of anxiety and at the same time causes aggression. The situation may aggravate the presence of siblings, especially younger brothers and sisters. Then aggression can be directed at them too. 

the Task of parents to teach their child to survive, to help them to gain relevant skills that the child was confident and could rely on themselves. Then the child will not need to crush anxiety the rescue. Then you can just quietly and confidently go about their business and their lives.

This anxiety may be hiding beneath other feelings, such as guilt or pity. Adult man must be able to withstand and overcome these feelings. For pity is really worth the fear and the anger, there is a sense of justice, which is all the same desire to save the mother, and actually survive. 

At the end are several recipes self help:

1. To realize the inadequacy of their response and their behavior in certain situations (when I want to save)

2. Say to yourself: "Now my reaction is the reaction of a small child who is trying to survive in this world as best he can"

3. Relive the powerlessness to save, to live here and now the feelings that arise (this requires a certain skill)

4. To realize and say to yourself: "I adult, I have other ways to survive, to survive I don't need to save others"

5. To realize that the other person be an adult like myself, he too can solve the problem of survival.

6. To realize and say to yourself: "While I save others, my own life is passing,I can't get back this never"

7. To do interesting and useful things: development of skills, making money, etc. Those things that really increase the chances of survival. 

to Answer any questions.

My advice and placement in your request:
https://www.b17.ru/zayavka.php?mod=psiholog&id=165481 

My site: onlineschool.Russian 


2019-09-17
Статья выложена в ознакомительных целях. Все права на текст принадлежат ресурсу и/или автору (B17 B17)

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