self-Esteem is unstable when there is a dependence on the assessment of personal qualities, abilities, achievements, personality.
How is the unstable self-esteem.
Since childhood, a person assessed, often not sharing the person and the act.
for Example. Instead of constructive: "You soiled clothes. Be careful next time, please," the child hears, "You're messy!". And feeling the fear of losing the approval of adults, concludes: "I have to be clean to be loved".
Gradually, it creates a list of conditions for recognition of their values, often contradictory:
"I have to be comfortable, please."
"I must be independent, self-sufficient"
"I have to be sexy."
"I have to be honest."
"I must be a leader, first in everything."
Through the prism of this "Dagestani" man evaluates himself and others, often unconsciously.
what is the danger of unstable self-esteem?
it is Impossible to always meet the stated requirements.
it is Important to understand whether punishing a person for failure "Dagestani"
whether Suffering from irrational guilt?
feel ashamed for nonideal?
Feel "bad" or "good" depending on the opinions of others?
Devalues their achievements, feels like "an imposter"?
fear of rejection by his society as a result of "revelations"?
Agrees with others to the detriment of their interests?
How often need the advice?
Makes mistakes, acting out of anxiety and making mistakes over and over again?
a Powerful blow to the self esteem can cause a situation when a person loses valuable: a job, a reputation, a loved one, familiar surroundings, independence. Support of loved ones in such cases is important. However, can exacerbate feelings of guilt and shame, if a person considers himself unworthy of compassion.
Depressed mood, fatigue life, loss of joy, suicidal thoughts, complaints a person dependent on fluctuations in self-esteem.
Unstable self-esteem. How to go from complaint to decision?
you need to turn the complaint into a problem, the problem in the problem and solve it.
Step 1. To designate the complaint.
it is important to understand the "place of pain"
"it's hard for Me to live."
"I'm not good enough"
"I feel I'm not living my life."
Step 2. To turn a complaint into a problem.to understand the problem, you must carefully, thoroughly and honestly examine their beliefs and related experiences.
3. Examine what You feel when you criticize yourself when you approve of their actions. Does the feeling of "I'm fine" from achievements?
In a properly formulated problem already contains the solution:
"I ranus about criticism ashamed of myself, waiting for approval"
"my Quality of life depends on fulfillment of conditions from the list of "Dagestani"
"to Compare ourselves with other people."
Step 3. To transform the problem into a task.
"to be free from the opinions of others"
"to Recognize their value regardless of the success or defeat"
"to Stop criticize and idealize other people."
Step 4. To solve the problem.this will require time and effort. Because self-esteem was formed many years. Since childhood and until today, You were doing something, thought, felt in order to get where You are now. To stabilize the self-assessment effectively with the support of an experienced psychologist. However, a lot of things You can do yourself: