"something's wrong! At me pay attention men, acquainted, good, I was almost on the first date I ask to show the page in the passport, trying to find out is married or not. What?!

still burned. After a couple of months all goes in the same scenario! He disappears, doesn't call or pick up the phone, and then find out that I was temporary, to wait out the break with the former. What am I doing wrong?!"

"I Have a strange relationship to each work, in each new place. I quickly converge with people, are interested in them, as Carnegie intended. They told me almost immediately about my life to tell start. And then I also avoided! Do not understand what is happening."

"My son is 9 and he has absolutely no friends! We don't know what to do! Recently I watched in the yard my son asked to play unfamiliar boy: "Hey, let's drive!" And he turned and walked away. What to do mind I will not put".

What unites the stories, what are they like?

In all cases, the car complains that relationships are quickly formed or look appealing, but Development is not happening. In the first picture, the woman immediately takes the bull by the passport. The hero of the second episode with incredible speed goes to personal issues. A boy in the third piece does not seem to notice the sharpness of his friendly intentions.

All the characters (fictional and generalized) have one similar feature - quick entering into an intimate zone of your partner. Intimate in this context - so deeply personal, the comfort zone for social interaction.

In Gestalt therapy there is the term "precontact" - a time and a place for up-Dating. Not just a superficial recognition of name, age and name of the dog, but more subtle and probing boundaries. Time to feel for another person and at the time of communication. To sniff, to learn, to check whether it is safe or next, what words or actions raise the alarm, to learn the joint space, exploring their own reactions.

in Essence precontact member, retirementincome communication is to check whether the format and specific people to dialogue, to continue the relationship or end, to open yourself or take the time to think it over.

All the characters in the stories passed precontact, the phase to explore. Boy proposed their game, not interested in no name, no counter-interest of the other children. Hero-colleague friends were repelled by the rapid intrusion into an intimate zone, creating the effect of "passenger compartment".

a Woman trying to prevent fraud, ignore own anxiety, fear, and did not notice any obvious signs of their discomfort in communication.

Not giving yourself opportunities just to shop around, just listen to ourselves, our heroes sincerely wondered - why do relationships crumble so quickly or not at all can begin.

the Rate of occurrences, create comfort and trust in the dialogue - each individual and depends on many factors (the type of the underlying attachment, a sense of security in the relationship, temperament, etc.).

I have not found in Russian words, succinctly and accurately describing precontact in ordinary life, outside the office of a psychologist. And created new volume "to meeting, to Dating", a little longer than "how are you?". Includes some wariness at the meeting, anticipation, shopping, evaluation (is it possible the continuation of Dating is a partner for a long period of communication, there is an interest in communication), focusing on feelings in the dialogue.

pre-Dating occurs anxiety, fear of shame, fear of looking inadequate, the desire to quickly collapse dialog or "issue head-on, without equivocation". Most often, these feelings hides a traumatic experience that had fallen inside a large neerajanam piece. Counseling helps dozhevat, to live and relive disturbing past experience, but also to practice in the new.

I would be pleased to receive "thank you", and in return I wish you good precontact!

In the article's title uses a line from a song Boris Grebenshikov for/f "ASSA".