Важность предконтакта в отношениях.

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the Most common mistake in the beginning of the relationship, which mostly occurs in women is a quick jump into the arms of a partner under the influence of the powerful flood of hormones and emotions. Butterflies in the stomach with his air spell turn your brain off and make it difficult to see the partner as he really is. In the pink light of the large and small "errors" are either ignored, or took a gentle charm and delight.

He's not snoring, and purring like a well-fed kitten and is only a tear with his clumsy hands that are not designed to work around the house. However, you may turn off the phone and disappear for a week, and every night drunk, but... he plays the guitar!

this happens when she misses precontact and run "comes in contact" without having to notice either his condition, or characteristics of another person nearby. Trying to avoid feelings and sensations in the body, it immediately begins to act. And then it becomes familiar and easy.

Precontact often there is the appearance of anxiety (arousal, stimulation) – when the bubbles need only just begin to ripen inside, heated inexplicable energy, the heat which is unbearable to keep... and here comes a burning desire to get out in the open. Hard to imagine that this energy appears exactly in order to be attentive to yourself, to listen to the feelings and to understand what we really want. And then start gently "sniff" the environment, closely looking at the details. Not to accidentally take the Scorpion for the cooing of a dove. After all, in the blur of dreams tip easily turns into wings. Immaturity - in the immediacy of... alcoholism - the... extravagance of tyranny - in masculinity, etc.

When the need is detected (e.g., closeness) – begins the search for the possibilities of meeting needs in the external environment, or an understanding of the impossibility of its satisfaction (for example, an alcoholic musician, only sex, not intimacy).

If you cannot meet the requirements it would be logical to continue to look for further from anyone she can or wants to... but there it was. Energy to partner instead of himself, wraps up his incredibly attractive aura, forcing to concentrate on the feelings that it causes, not its essence (and it smells light and so cozy with the smell of beer as from his father, who kissed before bed and adjusted the blanket).

And so she jumps him in bed, they begin to live together and after some time comes the suffering - the need for right and left unsatisfied. Guitar is already not happy, but annoying. She tolerates, adjusts, betrays himself. Or trying to change, throwing tantrums, punishing the lack of sex. Maybe she will realize that this bearded stranger is not the one she dreamed of. Leave, slamming the door. Or wait until he cheats to make sure that "all men goats" and get bonus pity of others.
So what happens if you skip the possibly tedious and unbearable, but necessary and important precontact.

Because in order to see the other person clearly, and very clearly, the relationship should grow slowly, because the formation of a realistic glance at each other, understanding and acceptance of strengths and weaknesses takes time.

And extremely honest answers to the questions:
can I be with a man that gives me what I need?
Or do not can, but will make every effort to change that?
if I Want to be with him, if nothing changes?

to Build long-term relationships only if the person really wants it, knowing that the partner will not change if he tried.
Only in this situation, you can learn to hear each other and negotiate. Moreover, each of the couples will change in the process, but the initial desire to be with what is, is the only criterion that the other person really needs, and important roads.

Shulga Oxana
Статья выложена в ознакомительных целях. Все права на текст принадлежат ресурсу и/или автору (B17 B17)

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