I dream of the past. In visions sleepy
Rises the lost world and days and words and entities.
There are many bright thoughts, dead, buried, -
How strange re-stand in their dark tombs
And the dead to conjure crazy words!
the shadow of the past as you power over us!
V. Y. Bryusov.
have you Noticed that at some point, suddenly think of a person, place, or event with which you were previously connected? Maybe it's pleasant, pinching his joyful and gentle trepidation and short time memories, or the opposite - filled with hard, tense muscles anger or shame freezing, and can be emotionally neutral, but for some reason the significant moments of life. Such experiences are quite natural, as part of a normal human life. Sometimes, however, they begin to repeat again and again, forcing him to return in the near or long seemingly forgotten past. These emotionally-charged ghosts over and over again to somehow remind yourself, tying us to the past and making it impossible to see the present. And often, to move on, you need to go back and let go of the past, which does not allow us to leave.
And here I want to share my experience of farewell to the place where I spent my childhood – hometown.
I was born and raised in a small provincial town, located 100 kilometers from the regional center. At least twenty years my life was connected with the hometown weaves meaningful relationship, has witnessed the city streets. They spent my childhood, adolescence. Room in the dormitory where we lived the first seven years, and it seemed that it was enough space for everyone: for me, mother, father and grandmother came from afar. Kindergarten: here I am repelled by feet from the asphalt and the first to retain the balance on two-wheeled bike, I keep the balance, I roll by myself! The country: and the smell and taste of a tomato plucked from the branch, catching tadpoles in the nearby Creek. The yard is where we play "hide and seek", "knives", "cops and robbers" late, and the mother comes out and calls me home. Jumping out of chest heart touching and breathtaking look at the one you first fell in love. High school Proms: I'm going with the first grader on the shoulder, which rings the bell. Apartment parent, to see the light of the joint minute of happiness and pain severe loss.
eventually, I moved to the regional center, where there are new relationships, new challenges, and the other, in General, life. In the hometown I began to visit less and less, until gradually the events associated with him, were forgotten and dissolve in the flow of vital days. But it so happens that from time to time out of memory pop up places, events and people associated with the town where I used to live. With the memories came the longing for a long time it would seem bygone days. I wanted to be back in the city of my childhood, as I remembered him. As the city was home to relatives and old friends, I occasionally visited it, without walking through the familiar streets and parks, but not more than the next day, coming back. However, memories and rolls after them longing did not pass. As if something important and valuable is still connected me with the city streets of his childhood, making it impossible to gain a relationship with the new house.
One day, as so many times before, I have appeared steady the familiar desire to return to the old hometown. Only this time, I decided to give yourself more time and watch what will happened to me. The day I arrived a little earlier than usual in the morning, not having any solid plan to do something. Decided to surrender to the feelings that will point the right direction. And it was really the right decision, because I suddenly felt the desire to visit those places with whom I have been associated with the most intense feelings, which somehow turned into anguish. I walked slowly, I can even say that it is very slowly realizing the familiar outlines of streets, houses, familiar faces and unfamiliar people, trees, and all together constituting the city in which I arrived. When I came to this emotionally-charged and somewhat dear to me a place, I stayed there and very slowly and delicately examined it. However, I clearly saw themselves, what emotions I'm feeling right now or what memories are associated with this place. I do not restrict yourself in time, allowing the emotions to emerge, to unfold, to last as long as needed and then disappear. Gradually I moved to another place, also not in a hurry, and guided only by internal sensations enough to me or not, in some places linger long and allowing the memories to come and go, along with my tears.
towards evening, when I went most of my sense of the iconic places I felt a pleasant relaxation, ease and a little sadness, which changed the place of anguish. And suddenly, it's an interesting insight – it's not the city that I used to know. Now that's a completely different city. Yes, streets, houses, people, almost everything is the same, but not the same. This is a new city that I don't know, and I did a little bit as I walked.
it's been more than a year as I said goodbye to his childhood, memories never emerge from memory, the longing is not coming and he wants me to come back. I rarely go there, now I'm more a tourist than a resident, but am watching with interest the changes that have occurred in my absence. And what has happened to the city of my childhood? He is always with me – in my heart.