Весенние морозы в отношениях.

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In nature, sometimes the weather plays a cruel joke: in early spring, the trees begin to bloom, and then all of a sudden late frosts that kill the color and the ovary.

In relationships there are similar situations: convergence, heat strengthening, deepening emotional intimacy, and then suddenly one of the partners becomes suddenly cold, that hurts the second partner, maybe even killing the feelings.

the Cooling may look different. Was warm and affectionate, and became as if indifferent, changed the look, the voice, the word, became busy at work, stopped calling, perhaps, could be looking at other, maybe even started flirting with someone else or suddenly remembered past relationships, suddenly said something nasty, had not known before.

a common cause for this cooling is the fact that the couple is not yet ready for that degree of emotional warmth and intimacy, which they have suddenly formed. As of early spring, the degree of intimacy also proved to be "early". There's no objective "it is time" or "too early". Here, only a subjective "what I now ready? Where are we now ready?".

the deeper and warmer set contact in a couple, the deeper everyone's a contact with yourself, with your own feelings, the more vulnerability, the worse that can hurt. And I want to escape, to reduce the degree of intimacy that wasn't so bad, not so painful "if that."

Especially such a tendency can be expressed, if a person in the family was not warm and deep emotional contact with the parents, if they were somehow hurt the theme of contact was the sudden loss of contact (death, illness, departure or significant person in depression, addiction and loss with him emotionally), abuse, humiliation, betrayal, even the "simple stuff" on the theme of love in childhood.

Someone completes the relationship right after early spring and subsequent frosts. Someone and drifts from warm to cold, from cold to heat.

it would Seem that the contact is not ready is the one who abruptly moves away. However, the second partner typically is also afraid of intimacy and therefore chooses such a fleeing partner. Each of them has their own reasons for choosing the baby - who will "run cool", and who will be "left behind, killed by the cold."

the Passage of these "frosty" relations to consistently warm is through living his own fears and pain, through cultivating their own readiness for a deep stable relationship, increasing domestic stability and the gradual (very gradual) thawing of your own heart. Long and regular therapy with a warm and friendly therapist, in itself, contributes to the development of this readiness, because it gives a positive experience of deep warm relations.

Ivanova Elena
Статья выложена в ознакомительных целях. Все права на текст принадлежат ресурсу и/или автору (B17 B17)

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