- So it is possible and God knows what a walk!
...I'll take God-knows-what and will look - it might not be so bad?! Well none of our family have never been there!
(C)“what do men 3”
I, like all who have children periodically fall into a sense of guilt about “am I good parent?”
These feelings inside are accompanied by the questions:
- am I doing it right?
- all I doda or doda not?
- and if I refuse, I will be stricter or more demanding - not if I traumatize a child?
- not much I take care of my child? Etc.
All these questions arise in the background of the alleged one hundred percent correct idea about how exactly to raise, to any particular result should come.
In fact I get confused when trying to give an accurate answer to all videostiny questions. And not having a clear picture of what it should be - not have the ability to evaluate their actions. In this place there is a lot of anxiety. And I feel guilty.
Or another example. Divorce. And the wife accuses her husband that he was a bad father. And whatever he did - it's not that he's a bad father. But it not says how to be a good father. And in that place raised the alarm, and how to be a good father, how to keep relationships with children? And he feels guilty.
Or an elderly mother of an adult daughter says that it is bad, not enough money, the house needs repair, no one is around, and on “you're no help”. Daughter has not asked what mom needs, what kind of help? She wanted maybe even something to offer my mom. But the last sentence has crossed all her attempts. And at this moment daughter raised the alarm: it is in a stalemate and don't know what to do? And she feels guilty.
Anxiety is a reaction to uncertainty.
Wine, in fact it's the anxiety about what something SHOULD do but don't know what, and I can not learn.
Imagine that we have a clear picture of how to raise children. Believe properly, have to do, and it reduces anxiety. But let's say, there is no possibility or do not want to do - and immediately raise the alarm: what happens if this is not done?
What will happen to the child if I do or not do? What will happen to me or what's in it for me if I do something or not do or if there is consequences? And what are the consequences?
What if the father will no longer make attempts to remain a good father after a divorce? Cease their relationship with the children? What will they be?
What would happen if the daughter would not even try to help my mom? What will happen to mom? And if something happen to mother that she is over it will be if she was the reason?
Guilt - anxiety from uncertainty of consequences for their actions or inaction.
Refer to the etymology of the word WINE.
the Word wine comes from the Indo-European root *ṷei-/*ṷoi (the same, incidentally, that the words war, warrior) – to drive, to chase, which then develops a value to cause fear, terror (so, old pomenuti(be) meant to conquer(be), abiotic derived from *obviousa to fear) .
the Development of modern values was so: the persecution of the > result, result of the persecution of >punishment; that which deserves punishment.
Also root *ṷei - matter to turn, to bend, bend . Apparently, from this value we can deduce the following meaning: fault – something wrong, "curved", crooked, svarochnoe with straight (correct) path. (And then made more transparent the internal form and meaning of the Serbo-Croatian wine – cruize.)
Two different meanings (to drive, to chase and to bend, to turn, bend) the Indo-European root may unite with the idea of "to pursue, to conquer (to bend, to bow before him), to subdue".
Very interesting I think the value of duty, obligation, note the word wine V. I. dal. Probably, such a Union of these concepts (guilt and debt) occurred because of unpaid debts pursued: of course, the non-payment of debt was perceived and still is perceived as the wrong thing (as well as Ms.: duty=duty). But it is amazing how "grown" into each other the concepts of guilt and debt (understand now very broad and vague), how often in this modern world, you can see them mixing, substitution.
so the guilt associated with the idea of deviation from the straight, correct path, order and, consequently, with a sense of disturbed harmony; and also with the aggression-anger (show others and/or interiorizing sent to myself), fear (fear of punishment, harassment) and with the desire to correct a violation (in order to avoid punishment or to restore a pleasant state of harmony).
*From the article Irina Rebrushing
in fact, the experience of guilt is the alarm occurring in one of the two or both cases:
I do Not know what and how much and who should (or should be).
I do Not know what will happen to me, if you do not “pay the debt” will not do what I must.
a Glance at the guilt as anger, allegedly directed at yourself, as often assumed, it seems to me questionable and the actual proceeds out of confusion and substitution of concepts. Anger when you experience the feeling of guilt occurs as the energy is aimed at changing the situation to reduce the level of anxiety. But it is not directed at yourself. This energy to change the situation kept for the reason that either people do not understand how exactly it can change (what, how much and to whom actually needs), and/or don't have the slightest idea about the consequences, to finally make the decision and implement any actions.
in Order to reduce internal tension from guilt (to reduce anxiety) - it is important to bring more clarity.
Remember, as a child: you stepped on the foot - turn your. All clear: they step on each other feet and went on to be friends.
But if you chronically feel guilty for what is happening with you and your loved ones, and this feeling makes your life unbearable, come to the consultation to clarify the existing tangle of uncertainty, to begin to breathe, to live, to act and to enjoy life!