Saw you mom in red lipstick when you're 14. Sight for Mamsko heart impressive and memorable for a lifetime. Because for her it is about your growing up, about her femininity, about her rival in the same house, about your youth, about unfinished from her past (boys and your dad), about romance and freedom.
Well, if she's got all this right: gestalte all closed, and femininity are all OK, and accepts his sexuality, and with her husband, intimate and spiritual closeness of excellent quality. Then you can wait for the approval and verbal pats+careful explanations like: "Daughter, happy to see you grown up. When reaching out to women's accessories. What an interesting way you did it, for what occasion?"
And then you come together to ensure that women's you built, the boundaries are marked(despite the fact that it is a natural appeal to draw attention to your lips, it does not mean that you can do anything anyone wants. You can allow only the one who will decide), and aesthetics lesson (what time of day this lipstick is suitable for what age and on what occasion).
who was that? Little. Yes. Basically, at this very moment, Mama "I saw, I fainted". comes to mind to erase/discard/destroy a lipstick and forbid to even think about it. The woman is about 35-40 has its adult experience on the topic of red lipstick and images she is doing well, not perfect innocent 14-year-old girl. Plus the fear of condemnation by neighbors/relatives. and just a shame to the community.
It is from his position forbade, and gasped. And what is there in this moment is going through a teenage daughter, which is the first and most emotionally vivid experience, she can't even allow myself to think. In fact, some of his rational part, she realizes that her daughter was okay, that she liked it that she did harm her now......
And here is the daughter......above it hung so unfinished that much with this run, she did not understand a few days for sure. How to deal with those polar feelings that she experienced on that day? The day is divided into before and after.
To-is what she wanted to do and try on red lipstick. The process itself she loved: she begged her friend, stood before her grandmother's mirror, tried to pull the sponge, to look at herself and danced by the thrill of flight.
Afteris what she did, it turns out,is condemned and forbidden by the mother/society. Here and fear and guilt and shame.
Important point: the excitement was before and after. the Girl was excited (it's not about sexual arousal) and when the lipstick/spun near the mirror and when my mom reacted to it so violently.
the Ban was imposed. Desire remains intact. How to be? The conflict sweeps on for a long time, until the girl won't consider this story from all sides , until I get permission from myself to use red lipstick.
According to the degree of trauma to the development of are also different:
* in General, does not recognize red lipstick is supplanted by the desire and strong resistance from fear of reliving those unbearable feelings. It's for life can be stretched. To the extent that the person is a Mature adult will start to blame the girls with red lipstick, speak unflattering words following. In General, all that did then mom. After all, the girls in red lipstick-it's a trigger for her to return to the time and trying to awaken those polar feelings pleasure, ease and shame with guilt in front of mom
* the Other extreme-provoking mom and especially lipstick, not only for her but for the outside world. Such a provocation the world in search of the answer where the truth is. Well, the access to the very polar feelings.
* Mid. Raised a girl realizes that she likes red lipstick. But afford it can not. It indirectly touches on those feelings when he looks at women in red lipstick, when buying this for your girlfriend.
the Internal conflict that tries to resolve the different ways people revolves around "I want it".
And another important point: one bad experience does not turn into a trauma for the development, if this is not followed further confirmation/condemnation (mother calmed down, went up to her daughter and tried to explain why she had such a reaction and how to deal with lipstick)
Now, boys and girls preschoolers were playing in the bushes in the doctor. Were knickers. Passed by a mother of one of them and saw this. The plot unfolds in a worst-case scenario-everybody got punished, and fled home. The boy trudges home for mom with this global sense of shame in front of her, in front of friends, in front of faceless adults and with a deafening heart beats of nervousness.
What's next? When a boy can ban himself to pull panties in principle. Maybe put them all in a row, caught up in its proximity (different kinds of sexual deviancy). And maybe to wear the fantasy in themselves and come to understand how such a strange desire to masturbate in front of stranger girl right on the street.
Why a child is injured at the moment?
He focused on himself and sincerely believes that others are guided by him. Children at this age have magical thinking: they tend to think that because their mother is crying, for example (and for her tears about her husband that night never came. She's crying and can't even think about it, that the child does not understand. What it takes on your only on your account. "One, except me and mom no one in the room, and she cries, it's me")
All the traumas of childhood. Many of us accept this sentence? This in itself requires a stretching of the endless loop from the past to the present. And, quite possibly, in the future. Little pleasant in this. Person ceases to participate in this quest. And they are there for one reason only-child does not possess yet logical thinking. He cannot stand in the position of the Adult and to consider why he acts and reacts. He truly believes that he is. That he did something wrong.
Thank you Olga for the inspiration that caused me to go in thought on this topic