Violence on soft cat's paws.


Now many people write about the physical violence, but about the moral ("quiet") psychological violence began to speak a relatively long time. Gently... whisper.

Because it is comfortable home gown and considered to be something commonplace and perfectly natural for people who grew up in families where such behavior was the norm. br>
So many people suffer in silence from the contemptuous views and statements of the partner, humiliation, insults, shouting, door slamming, unwarranted ultimatums and so on, swallowing tears and impotent rage. Losing the remnants of self-respect. And psychological abuser continue to blackmail, manipulate and get their way against the wishes of the other person, enjoying their power.

most Often psychological violence manifests a person very important to carry out constant control over all (or at least in a certain region). He is usually unsure of himself and compensate this drawback at the expense of control and abuse of those who are not able to resist him (usually wife and children).

Abuser jealous, suspicious, very suspicious, with sharp mood swings (goes from soft to rudeness in seconds) and a low level of self-control (when he plays - he is unable to stop). He claimed to love your partner like no other, makes him guilty of causing pain or discomfort ("I spoiled the mood, asshole"). He is easily offended, says loud and rude, could threaten, and then say that he was joking. Abuser may prefer the quiet and verbal bullying... when the humiliation is accompanied by gentle stroking, but the gist is cruel and unfair (as a rule, it concerns appearance and mental abilities of the partner). Or prefers rough criticism with a very offensive insults, obscene language and may go to physical violence.

"Quiet" psychological violence abuser can be recognized by the following features:

- constant criticism is too harsh (when any misstep and "the lack" demanding and carefully examined under a microscope), the purpose of which is self-assurance and sense of superiority over your partner;
- criticism of the values of a partner, the purpose of which is its complete isolation (that he ceased to meet with parents and friends, quit Hobbies that bring joy and pleasure, work, etc.). All this is done deliberately because the financial dependent of a person who has lost friends and has the support of parents, it is easy to bend to his will;
- insults and humiliation of a partner (in the course are offensive words, which are not rarely accompanied by obscene language);
- veiled insults (permanent and hurtful ridicule, scornful laughter, eye-rolling, etc.);
- the imposition of guilt, the purpose of which is to make all the fault of the partner, to absolve themselves of responsibility and benefit for itself;
- financial dependence, which partner regularly uses for manipulation, accusations and excuses their own behavior;
- complete disregard (to pretend as if the other does not exist);
- long silence (to leave a partner without answering the question, turn away, evade any attempt to talk, etc.);
- the compulsion to make man what he wants to do (the constant violation of its borders);
- the blackmail and threats;
- gasleitung (persuasion partner some events in fact were not, that causes a person to question the objectivity of his own perception).

Psychological abuse usually creeps up cautiously, on soft cat paws, while "victim" will not get used to it and not come to their senses only when the violence is impossible to ignore.

And only then can think about whether it makes sense to take abuse your partner and ask yourself: do I Want what is happening in the relationship? Is it safe for me with this person? Fetch me these relationships benefit? They make me develop or destroy? I can stop whenever I want?

And honestly, having peered inside yourself, make the decision to change something. Because a human being has only one life, and he has every right to live it in peace, dignity and happiness.
Shulga Oxana
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