something I did not rest and again about borders and violence.
When we talk about violence, immediately come to mind sexual harassment, the idiot taxi drivers who assault husbands and screaming head. And someone actually thought that there was this type of violence as "the infliction of kindness"? And it is no less terrible.
the violence on soft paws, it quietly walks around the house in a Bathrobe and Slippers and looks so innocent that neither recognize nor complain of it almost impossible. After all, these people want the best for us! Nevertheless, from this "good" high blood pressure, the heart and the face covered with red spots of anger. "The damage good" is friends with "gaslighting" and is accompanied by the phrase "well, what do you think! That it was got we want what's best." Like who better?
"the damage good" happens when you tell friends that "don't celebrate my birthday," and in response hear "but we still come" when the mother is "quietly" is your husband's room early Sunday morning "watering the flowers" when the grandmother of the best grandson motives cram in "one more taste". All this violence against the person and a violation of your borders.
We scream loud enough that no one has the right to tell us how to dress, or to touch us in the ass in the bus. We zashugannyh men to the fact that in large corporations stopped to close the door to the office, and the patient cannot remain alone with the doctor without the presence of nurses. We learned the word "boundaries", "manipulator" and "toxic", but every morning we are causing someone good, not thinking about the consequences.
People! Ay! Everything you do against the will of another person is violence and violation of its borders. Any comment about someone's hairstyle, makeup, choice of partner or lifestyle is violence and violation of its borders. Your rejection of a friend's son or daughter boyfriend, your attempt to "convert" partner's for yourself, your desire to make an employee "more convenient" - all this violence and violation of borders.
I foresee comments from the "compel children to study and forbid them to try drugs is also a violation of boundaries and violence". You know, I would not want to bring to the absurd, but essentially, Yes, if we are not talking about the threat to life, any intervention is the violence. Violence, when you are forcing the scholar to enroll in an Economics University, because "you need someone with his literature." Violence, when a guy is not allowed to marry for love and push for an internship abroad "for his sake". Yes, maybe our children will make mistakes. But it will be their fault and their own experience, and not imposed our good, that makes you want to go out the window. Because then, this artificially created life will have to live not to us but to them.
the damage good is the road to hell. It is imposing one's own stereotypes and values of another person. Is the highest degree of hypocrisy, since the damage good always covered the motto "I'm doing this for your own good". With this phrase on the lips of homosexuals "treated" in a psychiatric hospital, "for your own good" parents are trying to turn kids transgender, "for your sake" autistic people are ignored in society, "for your sake" children with disabilities survive from ordinary schools. What's so good? This is not good, the Procrustean bed, where the missing pull and cut off the excess to "was." Because there is no common good. Is individual happiness – and it is, by definition, to each his own.
So before you make someone "good", ask him – and if your actions are under his definition of "good." I'm afraid that the answer you'd be surprised – unless of course you want to hear it.