today I clearly felt nausea. One that encourages us to turn away, to stop what is happening, to interrupt the process. Distraction. To do anything to "ventilate the room" and at the same time his insides.
This condition was caused by the oppressive presence of other people's expectations. Under the weight of these expectations, the air around me thickened and appeared crowded. It was impossible to breathe, to stumble. And I'm not talking about any specific high expectations, not expectations about success, and about expectations in General.
How am I supposed to look, how to look, what to say, what to think, what to want. I have to be, every time.
the Role for me was already written but not by me. Every my step was doomed to interpretation in the pre-thought-out way. There was nothing purely my value and separate from these expectations. I was worried himself caught in a trap.
This condition has caused my curiosity. Think this is a "door" leading to the understanding of how life works sometimes.
If I often end up in the atmosphere of expectations are directed at me and curing me, then at some point I get used to it and stop paying attention to it. It becomes my natural habitat. This is the external skeleton that holds me in good shape.
But the effects of the growth in this environment is the absence of internal supports. You know, there are hanging toys for lullaby. They have legs, but they are not functional, they have only aesthetic function. Toy itself is attached with an eyelet on the head. So people growing up in this environment full of expectations, can feel the suspension when it is unclear where to go until some external voice does not indicate the direction. Next is there is a choice to follow the path or to push off in the opposite direction, but before that – emptiness. Like a lot of votes, but all are vague and none prevails. It's like hanging that if continued, beginning to resemble a rotten swamp.
This mechanism in Gestalt therapy is called merging. It is universal and natural, as long as it does not displace other ways of presence in the environment.
People with a predominance of this mechanism is poorly understood, what it is, until you hear a second opinion. Moreover, the way of meeting with you, research "who am I?" - this is the way that he often avoids. Because instinctively feels that it is not enough just to be yourself. That is not value. At each moment of time necessary to confirm that you comply with. Like someone omnipresent and powerful is watching you and decides how you coped today. Deserve if you're to experience a sense of respect or not.
Omnipresent, because it is an internal object. Powerful, because unconscious. Growing up in such an environment, people over and over again looking for an external Pointing Voice (this mechanism is called intreccia) who first idealized and then devalued. At first it seems to save them and then often becomes haunting, demanding, critical.
the Man turned into someone who listens carefully to what you say about him. And stops to listen to himself what he is and what he wants to be. His task is to be approved, to cause tenderness or admiration. It is a way to build relationships, to invite friendly interest.
Like the toys above the crib.