"OPPOSITE"
(one effective receiving psychological help)

Describe one of the effective techniques that I have been able to come up with through years of lessons "good psychology"*. I call it "reversed". I'll start with examples from practice, and then give the wording of the reception. (All clients agreed to publish their stories).

once I had to teach counseling courses in one of the private higher education institutions. Among my students were two cousin - let's call them A. and B. - a middle-aged lady, fascinated by the psychology. I mentioned in a lecture on "reversed". Just after the next class they came up to me and began to tell in eager rivalry about the "miraculous" (as they put it) the results of this technique.
A. had pronounced choleric temperament, and her husband, in contrast, was distinguished by the phlegmatic slowness. This created a daily conflict situations in the family life. So, the husband generally in the morning picked up A. at her job, and then went on his own. Lightning gathered, A. began every morning with irritation to rush her husband, why of course he was going even slower. As a result, late both, plus the morning of the showdown under way.
the next morning after our lesson she used "reversed". Feeling the usual irritation and a desire to hurry her husband, she did exactly the opposite - gently said to him: "do Not hurry. Get ready calmly. I'll wait." The result was quite logical: a spouse was going extremely fast and they just had to work on time, but also had the time to sit in the car and for the first time in many years, to tell each other not angry, and gentle words.

as for B., she returned home after training, wanted urgently to sit at the computer and write a paper on psychology, but saw the monitor adult son, immersed in his own essay that he was asked at the place of study. Mother opened her mouth to say: "Come out from behind the computer. Let me work. I still have dinner to cook and with a younger child to do. And you have time." But she also did the opposite and said the following: "Work, son. I still have to make dinner, the youngest child to do. I still have time to get the paper to write". And went to do chores. This evening, the suspicious son sat at the computer, even for dinner out. And then appeared in the kitchen a joyful and said to his mother: "Mom, I'm for you your essay written!"
These two cases is quite revealing and allow us to proceed to the formulation of the technique in the form in which it is available for both adults and teenagers:
"Our selfish motives may be a good guide for human actions - -if you do EVERYTHING the OPPOSITE."

we will now use the same technique in psychological help to teenagers (I never offered it to the children under the age of 12-13 years, because I believe that they are unlikely to fully understand the essence of receiving and dealing with it). Since the main my place of employment, school, cite examples from it.
Girl - let's call her O. she lived with her father and mother could not remember that died long ago. After the death of my mother, my father, lost in his grief, he became very distracted. He was a decent, well brought up daughter, so the family no anxiety at school did not cause. More surprising was when one day a 13 year old girl flew to my office in tears and said "ready to the orphanage", and then long and unjustly scolded the father. I managed to figure out a situation that an adult may seem frivolous, but for the O. it was very traumatic.
it should be noted that the girl was performed in all women's work and was kind of a neat freak. Now, each day when my father came home from work she had cleaned the apartment floors and carefully prepared dinner. Dad came home (he worked as a foreman at a construction site) to dirty shoes, absent-mindedly forgot to change shoes and went into the kitchen at its cleanest the floor, lost in thought. The girl shouted at him: "change your shoes! Don't see how hard I have worked?!" Father was indignant: "you talkin' to my father?! Looked to be a mother!" Further, the conflict unfolded in the standard scenario. the girl literally threw dinner on the table and both went to their rooms, slamming the door. "I can't take it anymore!" - wept O
- how long You live? I asked.
Well, for a year or more, ' replied the girl.
(I Assume that prior to the entry into adolescence, she just didn't react with irritation to the behavior of the father and did not dare to raise his voice).
I suggested:
- you Want at a time all will change?
- You come to us and talk to the father? Hypnotize him?
- No, you'll do it. According to the principle of "reversed".
Then I explained to the girl the method and we had even rehearsed her behaviour.
- What do you want to do when father goes on a clean floor in muddy boots?
- Scream! To Say: "Change Your Shoes!"
- then Do the opposite. Kindly tell my father: "Daddy, don't change shoes, please." What you want to do?
- So he can see how I worked a lot.
- then Do the opposite. Tell him how it worked.
To my delight, and even surprise, they treated my recommendations for grown-up serious and in no way retreated from her. The result exceeded all expectations. After hearing from his daughter: "Daddy, don't change shoes, please. Today you worked so hard," the father at first was confused, then tears, and wiped them all dirty marks and admiringly said: "you look like your mother!" Dinner turned into a celebration of faith with the conversation. After that, as far as I know, the father never forgot to return home to change shoes and often praised daughter for cleanliness and hard work.

Because about this case, the girl told her classmates, some of them asked me to tell them about the reception of "reversed". I invited everyone to him and explained the matter. Some guys tried this and very successfully. I will tell here only one case.

About a Classmate, let's call it N. - regularly had house clashes with his older brother because of the location on the computer. So, when he got home he was ready to blurt out to his brother, "well, get out from behind the computer. You're all the time working for him, and I can't give!" and had already brought a fist to hurt to poke his brother in the back. And then... remember "the opposite". As he later told, his mouth dry and tongue stuck to the sky. Barely he forced the unfamiliar words: "I don't need a computer. I'm just playing, but you're working." I tried honestly to go to do homework, when suddenly the brother and lifted him into the air, was put in place yourself at the computer and ran to the kitchen to parents. After a couple of minutes from the kitchen looked out the parents looked at each other and said to each other: "Thank God she's grown up!"
it's Funny that his parents then came to me with a question: "is it possible to hypnotize our son that he has always been so" (although I'm never in school did not use hypnosis).

so, I repeat the wording of the reception of "good psychology"
"Our selfish motives may be a good guide for human actions - -if you do EVERYTHING the OPPOSITE."

In conclusion, I will give an example from my own life. Once on the bus, where I was driving, this woman came in and all of a sudden started screaming at me, accusing, as if I pushed her (nothing like I did). In the language I already had a ready counter-charges, when suddenly I decided to do the opposite. While I was thinking about how to do it in my head, I clear thought came and I asked her, "Woman, what happened to You?" In response, she burst into tears and told that he was going to the hospital, where just called and told her about her husband's death. "I'm mad,' she said. I rush at all. But you first asked me what happened." Needless to say, I immediately offered her psychological help (for free, although many colleagues are categorically against working for free). She became my client. And, though sorrow remained, I helped her through it without suffering a heartbreaking desperate.
More about the "good psychology" acute grief I will tell in another article.
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* is "Good psychology" the author describes an approach to psychological care based on kindness, compassion. moral values, both by the psychologist and all of the recommendations to the client.