Recently I spoke with a friend and touched on a very interesting topic. We talked about the needs to change something in life. Many have certain areas where they would like changes, but why they do not. Man wants something, does not experience and suffer from it. He is upset and it hurts. To understand such a person.
the Discussion we had, in terms of desires and their implementations. We talked about why having tools to get what you want, we for some reason don't use them. Moreover, we are for these tools pay the money.
In fact, we don't want. Yes, with all the obvious facts of our strong desires, we have other motives, because of which "nothing there".
Eric Berne describes games that people play using three internal figures: adult, child, and parent. One of the games similar to the situation that we discussed with a friend.
it Looks like this:
- we Have a need that we will address themselves, the question arises: "what can I do"?
- Our inner adult finds ways "as he can achieve".
- Our inner child (as it may be some part of us) really doesn't want to go this way. He must have his reasons. What is he doing? It violates the discipline)))). Does not comply with the instructions and recommendations. In such cases we often say, "I understand, but why then do so", or "the most interesting that I know all this and even recommend to others". Or do we just listen, nod your head, and the resulting information does not go into action. In General, our child is sabotaging for all intents in the direction of the change.
Our inner child does so because he has a strong motive. And this motive is stronger the desire, which on the surface. In this case, it gets our child? He is hurting, and his other "stroking". Man gets compassion, attention, understanding may help.
What else? The opportunity to absolve themselves of responsibility, their own incompetence and guilt. More here about the wine. It is very difficult to endure. After all, even a little thought, but flashed: "I'm not doing anything", "I'm too lazy every day to invest in your own change." Such thoughts are unbearable and easier to blame it on something or someone.
Often hear from people go to seminars, listen to lectures, but nothing helps. Of course is not helping and will not help. After all, just listen to the grain, not abandoned in the soil. You need to act.
If you have the tools to implement your wishes, or change a current life situation, and you're not using them, then look at what motivates you. In this case I'm talking about the motivation of that part of you (your child, saboteur, laziness), which do not want change. Why you actually profitable to live as you live. Ask yourself the question: "what important and valuable is that this part of my life remains unchanged?"
it is Desirable to form the question more specifically and to listen, as a responsible body, what thoughts come to mind. Your reaction is the answer to the question.
Examine yourself in the name of change for the best.