What is required to the formation of this phenomenon - the conscious actions of women to decrease or disappearance of sexual desire in your husband?
the story of the client, let's call her Zina, 37 years:
"With her husband married for almost 10 years. At first it was a feeling that I love him - he showed me care, was generous, took over many duties at home, helping my parents with building a house, in General, lived in perfect harmony. Then I got pregnant and for medical reasons of sex in our lives has become smaller. He once again hardened During this period I began to find on his laptop (through "history") links to the websites of prostitutes. I showed it to him, but he claimed he just watched. Then it turned out that he contracted hepatitis B through sexual contact. Fortunately, I the virus is not passed on, because I have before pregnancy was vaccinated.
the Husband was treated and ultimately cured. However, I often caught myself thinking that I wish him dead, so strong was my resentment. After this the attraction to him as a cut instead of craving it's disgust. Sex with him turned into torture. He's after the disease has changed, began to ply me with gifts, was very helpful and was constantly bugging me about sex. For me every sex with him was an act of samonela, after having sex with him ran into the shower and couldn't wash off. To discourage his desire I began to overeat - very heavy on flour and sweets, gained 20 pounds, walked around the house in a tatty flannel robe 50+, stopped showering, doing makeup, manicure, buy myself beautiful clothes. Over 2 years of being on leave to care for a child I turned into this monster that now sits in front of you. But, oddly enough, my husband, my looks the heat off. When I lost interest in it and I became indifferent to his infidelities, he suddenly awakened love and jealousy. What do I do? On the one hand wants to leave him, and on the other don't want to leave an established way of life, and the child is still very young, I was with him one will be hard."
This case is very common when cheating husband leads to the disappearance of sexual desire in a wife.
What processes occur in the psyche of a woman who loses attraction to her husband amid his infidelity? I will list some of them:
If, before the adultery, the man presented the woman the "cloak and sword", after the betrayal she deidealization and knight he is transformed into a simple Bob, which is not something that no excites, and generally causes a lot of unpleasant emotions, the desire to move away from him, to be in solitude, to devote himself to business or something else.
Woman not a long time to be in depression with low self-esteem and though as-that to be rehabilitated, it is only possible with another man.
Relationship with another man need a woman who survived the betrayal of a spouse, to feel welcome, again, to believe that she may like someone else.
No affirmations, self-hypnosis, awareness of self-worth ("I'm above it all") will not help a woman to regain balance, but to feel welcome with the other, to afford full sex and not only.
However, once the woman begins to understand a lot about good sex with the man she wants and I fell in love with, who is interested in not only her body, but the soul she does not want to return to the family to Bob, who had betrayed her.
However, it sometimes happens that a woman remains in the family, keeping ourselves on the sense of guilt or fear, the illusion of domestic comfort and affection. When this accumulated resentment and hostility will not disappear, but only piling up and subsequently make themselves known in the form of outbursts of anger, psychosomatic medicine and other unpleasant phenomena.
No wonder they say that you cannot step into the same river twice. But if the husband is still the roads and the desire to enter this river is still there, then you need to come to couple's therapy to therapy to work out all accumulated over the years negative. Unexamined negative anyway will lead to the disintegration of the family.
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