Fear is generally fine. So much written, rewritten, that fear is a protective reaction. She won't let us do stupid things. It forces us to think about how to get around the problem. And generally , with proper alignment, in fear, you can find the resource. And enter the solution with sign "+".
But...if it is competently. And if you're a bundle of nerves? If one thought about the problem makes you sweat hands? What then?
Here sits mom. And so with anxiety and embarrassment:
- We are afraid to pass the exam. We panic... all thoughts only about it. We are in constant tension for months....
of Course, the first question:
Who are we? Can you give me the "we" to describe?
Surprised, raise his eyebrow and exasperated look.
- it is Clear that WE are a child, me, my husband... the family in General!
Begins a long, and seemingly tedious, work on the separation of "we". For the daughter without the month-18 years – it is not "we ate, we pooped" ... is a separate personality.
And work is already separately with each. As a rule, it turns out that "we are afraid of the exam" is more about the mother. Children are more tolerant of this situation. More rationally. And if they still find the resource in a small vacation – they do fine. But mom is a separate work.
They forget that after love, the second sense, that is passed to the child life is the excitement of the parent. His fear, anxiety, worry.... like a spider web clings to the emotional state of the child at any age. Subconsciously there is an installation:
-If this is so afraid of my mom (dad), which is adult and knows everything, so it's really scary!
you do Not want to bore you with the theory on this subject. Written about this long text.
Give a simple exercise that will help you look at fear is still.
it is Better if you will help someone to do the husband, the friend, and maybe your child – they can ask questions as specified below and lead you .
You should go to bed, take a few calm breaths, relax, close your eyes and imagine your answers in great detail – how finely and accurately can your imagination to draw the situation.
And so the topic: "My fear is a child did not pass the exam."
We close our eyes and imagine the day when your son or daughter pass the exam:
- He got out of bed. What mood? As you see it? What you say to him? What did he do? What kind of clothes he dressed, the color? What did you make him for Breakfast? As he was eating? As it was carried out? Said? Went together? That was on the way , what did you talk about or how silent?.... tell everything in detail.
the Child comes into the audience. There he sees? What feels? Which form takes? Like reading? As writes? What happens to him? As he in this moment? All the detail...
- Then, skipping a few days, the day of the examination result. All the details :how to Wake up or sleep the night, what do you think, what we say as we open a website, looking for your result..... you can see that it is bad...... what is happening in this moment with you, a child ? Directly speak in great detail of their condition, their feelings, emotions, actions, colors, details, as accurately as possible, even if you're crying now...
- And now - important!
more detailed description of how you will live out the hour after you know that a child did not pass the exam? How will these minutes? What will you do? What will you feel? This whole picture needs to be detailed... even if you are going to cry the hour –tell us how it will be in the details.
Skip the described or night. Further, a very detailed description of the day after bad news. Every detail - your actions, thoughts, feelings....
When the description of the day will end, leaving the state of immersion in our fear. Try to bring the breathing back to normal. And open the eyes.
be Sure to focus – is there any voltage? Where is it? What is it? Can it be let go? It was weakened after breathing or not? Or Vice versa, there is a relaxation and you saw that Yes, it is unpleasant, but it can survive. This can be solved. Life goes on. Your child is experiencing negative emotions much more. Do not put in it still the weight of all your fears. Let him free to move on to a serious test, with a sense of support behind: no matter What happens, we'll love you! We is near! We are ready to support you!
to be honest, the technique seems a bit harsh. But it works. I regret not having mastered it when he passed the exams for my eldest son and I had a quiet panic... Here with the second son , I , as a mother , too, was worried about his first exams GIA in the 9th grade. Using this technique, which was conducted for me and my son's friend - psychologist, the son of calm and well passed the exams. Then he said that when sitting in the audience, he had the feeling that all this has been, you just have to repeat. But in the end, decided that after the 9th grade will go to College. And I and the husband quietly, though with a little excitement, took his decision. Now we don't have regrets!
the Whole point is that if you don't touch the fear inside, it will grow in you and devour your energy. But you can see it real, live it. But the next step will be to develop a backup strategy in case of true fear. And this is his resource – do not allow to capture you, and to be ready for it.
This same technique will fit and work on other fears – I was fired from work, I can't handle the project, I will not justify hope of the family....
You see, everything can be solved. And the rest of the family depends largely on rest and resource women. The main thing is to find yourself.
If you need support, please contact us http://www.b17.ru/id302953/?prt=302953
Your resource is a resource your family!
Peace to your home!
Children, family psychologist Natalia Sedova.