We will be together forever?

This question in different variations care of many. In the relationship man-woman, he may sound like a “We'll never part?”, “We'll always be together?”, “Will you love me always?”. Sometimes it's a requirement – “Promise (swear) that I'll never change”, “Promise me you would never love anyone else”. Mostly it is peculiar to women as more emotional beings.

this implies another question. How is it to build a long term happy relationship?

I Want to just focus on the fact that the loving couple are members of different sex (now we're talking about heterosexual couples). And differences between men and women in the mind, perception and life style is not comparable greater than the similarities. An understanding of these differences facilitates the adoption of some of the qualities and attributes of their partner. Because without making harmonious, and most importantly, long-term relationships can not be built. After all, don't always have to understand the other person, the most important thing is to take. The state of love gives you the feeling of living “in tune” in one breath, the flaws are not noticed. But love always goes, and it's the prose of life. That often brings disappointment and resentment.

the Frustration is caused by maladaptive (false) beliefs and inflated or unrealistic expectations. We are all brought up on fairy tales where “they married, lived happily and died in one day.“ Or romantic films/books where your passion and ardor heroes sneaked in half a century. But in real life after the wedding, everything is just beginning. And sneak your feelings through decades of only one. Here is a psychological law of habituation. To avoid it could not be anyone. A person gets used to everything. Including to a permanent partner.

so, love is. Tragedy? Not at all. Many love or passionate love transformirovalsya in more Mature and less valuable sense. Affection, tenderness, devotion, and kinship... This is also love.

One of the most common misconceptions (often it is peculiar to women) – I can change it. Since this decision, a joint life becomes a struggle and reshaping of the personality. And this process is not accompanied by positive emotions. Contradiction: men looking for in a woman that she will not change, while women expect men opposite. The fact that he will change, will become “better” or like I want to (see) her.

In marriage (long term relationship) needs to meet the needs of both partners. It is important to remember that relationship is a mutual process, there should be a balance to take/give. This imbalance suggests that the relationship is disharmonious or are on the verge of rupture. Simply put people are unhappy in such relationships or feeling used. Or even feels like a victim, which is also far from happiness. Therefore, if you encounter a complex, unclear situations in life together think about why you feel uncomfortable in this relationship, and how it feels to them your partner. It should be remembered that there are such needs, which in principle cannot be satisfied in paired relationship. For example, the need for unconditional love or the need to have a father (mother) in the face of the husband(wife). In adulthood, we can no longer count on the unconditional love that is given only to the child upon his birth. In the second case the relationship will be more similar to the relationship mother-child.

In psychology, formulated the so-called “ the Laws of true love“. They can be called harmonious relations.

  • Knowledge – the partner and the laws of love.
  • Response means: I give you what you need and not what I have.
  • Respect – I accept you for who you are without trying to change.
  • Care – on the physical, material, sexual partner well-being, personal growth and spiritual development.
  • so, is it possible to insure themselves for the future in terms of strong relationships and feelings of your partner? Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) guarantee 100% that no one else can. As to guarantee loyalty. This may sound funny, but such requests to the psychologist quite often. It is human nature to desire to possess, desire to control the partner, the desire to protect their future money, sense of duty, the marriage contract, attachment... a Desire to control poses a risk primarily for controlling, because he unconsciously may elect as means illness, depression, or even death. Considering someone responsible for our happiness, we heaved the burden on our relationship. Don't wait that someone will make you happy. Just as you assume sverhotvetstvennym, considering that can make someone happy. You do not have this power.

    the Reality of life is that human relationships and feelings are very fickle. The situation changes, circumstances, beliefs, and time...

    you Cannot step twice into the same river,

    on entering second time flow already new waters


    recommendation on how to avoid disappointments in love and feel comfortable in the relationship.

    First of all, don't take the assurances of eternal love (promises to always be together, to be faithful (faithful), etc.) literally. It's like that to promise to never hurt and never die. Feelings are irrational. If you believe in the feelings of your partner is wonderful. If he (she) is worthy (worthy) to build with him (her) a long-term relationship – no doubt. Live in the moment instead of having to suffer dark thoughts of possible trouble. This will only strengthen your partnership and get rid of anxiety. the two of You together – and that's fine.

    Psychologist-psychotherapist, sexologist

    Shadina M. E.

    Shadina Marina
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