What are personal boundaries?

Personal boundaries – a term proposed by one of the disciples of CFreud PS Pedernal, firmly established in the professional jargon of psychologists and psychotherapists.

Personal or psychological boundaries is a conditional concept, which allows to delineate the limits of the human "I". Thanks to its borders we understand, where Me, where "not-I" – other people, other people's opinions, other people's feelings, the responsibility of another.

Why important personal boundaries?

borderline personality can be compared with the border of the state.

Boundaries allow you to respect the security. Borders enable him to preserve the integrity of its territory and the unity of the social system. borderline personality is the feeling that I'm entitled to my own thoughts, feelings, actions that they are normal, and I can Express and implement. In short, borders create a feeling that to be a – safe and normal.

Many are familiar with such examples: the person whose feelings, thoughts and actions do not respect very quickly formed the view that it is better not to exercise. it is Safer not to be a, it is safer to be otherwise.

Boundaries provide protection. Thanks to the border guards and other services, the state protects itself from the implementation from the outside – alien to politics, economy, army.

Thanks to personal boundaries, man defends himself from other people's opinions and desires, from manipulation by others, from any kind of violence and subordination.

Boundaries allow us to detect differences. Due to the fact that States are separated by borders, we can to perceive the difference between cultures, societies, religions and people. The blurring of the boundaries blurring the distinctions.

the same thing between people. Understanding that other people may differ from us, gives us the opportunity to understand the difference. So we compare ourselves with others and others with them, glorify or "lowered" yourself, respect or despise the other person. It is the understanding of differences and appreciation of their value is the basis of respect for the other person.

Boundaries regulate distance in the relationship. So, the border States can be conditional or simplified, as in Europe. Borders can also be overwhelming or almost impenetrable (sometimes the citizen of Ukraine it is very difficult to cross the barrier). Formed due to this distance to determine proximity. Some people feel themselves "citizens of the world", it all borders on anything, others feel isolated, separated from others.

similarly, in the relationship. Some people boundaries are thin and permeable – they can not live without intimacy and the other person. It is difficult to distinguish their feelings from others. Sometimes they are not able to understand where their desires, and where strangers. Other people very clearly "watch over" their boundaries. They do not allow "sneak" neither in his life nor feeling nor thought.

How are the boundaries in a relationship?

this issue is also very diverse. Borders can be applied in different ways.

Sometimes people expand "their possessions", breaking into the space of other, imposing something and subduing others to himself. This happens when people ignore or do not respect differences and impose "their" views on others. Thus, the border one man's aggressive is extended to the space of others.

Sometimes people "open" their borders from the inside, letting out everything you need and don't need. In such situations, it seems that at the boundary the filter is bad, causing the inside can get not only good and useful, but also harmful, dangerous.

Someone tries to join its border with another and form a "shared space". This contributes a fantastic location, but can also lead to the loss itself.

no matter How the border is arranged, one thing is clear. functioning border – essential basis for respect and self-esteem to growth and development, for self-discovery and, of course, for a relationship.

After all, harmonious relationships require attention as to their needs and the needs of a loved one. This means, you need to constantly observe the boundaries between themselves and the closest person – to ensure that they were not very permeable, but did not "iron".

Disrespectful to their borders or the borders of another may lead to stagnation, disruption of relationships and loss of (self)respect.

In the future I would like to talk about what is the role of boundaries in the relationship between parents and children.

© Olga Topeka

see also:

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