What do I do about my jealousy?

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Perhaps each of us are faced with jealousy. This spiny, many-sided and very unpleasant feeling. Jealousy, it brings a shadow on many aspects of life: relationships, partner, myself, the lifestyle... Everything is questioned, seething emotions, the passion overwhelmed...

by Itself, the energy of jealousy aimed at preserving what is precious to us, what we already have (relationship, partner, good sex, financial or social status, etc.). Another thing is that retention of this "most valuable" each partner chooses their own. Someone (usually in Hollywood movies) begins to compete with his rival in courage, bravery and chivalry, and someone angrily begins to demand evidence of loyalty, exposes the claims of the other party, scandals.. That, you, a partner not very attractive. If You are a jealous side, it is useful to reflect:

Chocco is the Central question of jealousy? Who do You think most in this situation? Typically, the answers lie in three areas:

Thoughts about sopernitsami. "the onaon better? As Onon?! Well, of course — she's young and slim!" Here it is possible to speak not so much about jealousy, but about the feeling of envy with his energy and improvement. And the most competent question yourself when you focus on the opponent: what I'm not allow to take place in YOUR own life? What are Your unmet needs are successfully fulfilled in the life of the opponent?? Sharp envy, feel jealous, really honking about the threat. People envy those who pose a threat to his view of himself, the threat positive image of ourselves..

Thoughts about yourself. "very sorry Themselves. Incredible resentment is overwhelming. Circling thoughts of the imperfection, about their own mistakes". It is important to understand yourself and to strengthen your personal position. It is interesting that jealousy is not always a result of actions of the partner. Not often jealous connected with destructive relationships. And anyway, jealousy often has nothing to do with the EXTERNAL reality. Yes.. it is related in 80% of cases (in my personal estimation) with unstable self jealous. I.e. the roots of jealousy — the INTERNAL reality. To deal with this delicate subject matter inside-out.

Thoughts on partner, poglotitel. "He is such a scoundrel, and I believed him!! How could she, knowing that I can't stand..." And here the question of borders, negotiations and other delights in the relationship. You can think — and how long have You been "by-passed border patrol"? When last discussed the rules and wishes for You as a couple and for You as a person within a pair... what personal and family boundaries can and should be reviewed at regular intervals, already for anybody not news. Maybe your pair has been changed the status and moved on to a new phase of life, and the requirements of one of the partners left from the period of youthful love..

In each case, the strategy of psychological work with jealousy will vary and the point of application of force will also vary.

In any case, if You experienced a "twinge of jealousy", it makes sense first to understand YOUR reactions, the cause, to identify their needs ... to understand what my life is happening right now?? And only after the ambulance himself provided, we begin to think through the strategy and tactics of communication with the other half. Well and only after that taking concrete steps.. aptly psychologist Sakurova E. K., we decide "to go or stay, to eat 16 donuts of despair, to burn his car or just poison the bastard to hell!" Need I remind you that at this stage would be very useful specially trained people — psychologists. Their role in reducing "extent of distress" for jealous is invaluable.

In any case, alone or in company specialist, it's important to be with my jealousy alone, to meet her, to talk to. And only then to bring that feeling to the other; in moderation. Like it or not, and Your jealousy is Your area of responsibility.

Ismagilova Tamara
2018-07-28
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