"Aggression is the despair of the child who seeks recognition and love."
Quite often, parents are faced with aggressive behavior of their children and lost, wondering why their cute kid or now grown up child with whom things were smoothly transformed into a sharp, bitter, and sometimes violent man. What is the reason? How to behave with him? Is it possible to change something in this situation? We will now discuss.
In fact, on these questions you can find the answer and I can confidently say that the parents have a great responsibility for the relationship with the child, and therefore their position is much stronger and more influential. And from the situation of the aggressive behavior of a child can find a way out.
For a start, I propose to deal with the possible reasons of such behavior of children.
first, the rejection (non-acceptance of the child). The child feels abandoned, unprotected, unloved and therefore loses credibility, does not accept parent's beliefs, is not a positive example for others to follow. And here I think it necessary to talk about love. The most useful, wise and true love is unconditional. This means that we accept the child as he is, with strengths and weaknesses, his interests, views, thoughts and feelings without any conditions (he got five or two, cleaned my room or not, he is sad or happy). We allow him to BE in this world, be yourself. He does not want after school to talk to us, come to a Moody sits in his room alone. Well, you should pay attention to this: "I See you're upset about something. Don't want to share?" Yes – great, can hear and relieve his feelings, to maintain a warm embrace. No, no, no, let be. When you're ready, come and tell me. Thus, we allow him the freedom to choose and leave the place to his feelings, to be sad in this case.
second, over-discipline (excessive criticism, punishment for the slightest infraction) - leads to anger and the desire to do "on the sly", creates a sense of inadequacy and expectation of failure. Aggression becomes a way of self-affirmation. For example, the child is not removed in the room and we get frustrated and annoyed by this and immediately attack him with shouts and threats. But maybe he didn't make it to our parish or school there were so many lessons and things that just don't have the strength. Figure it can calm conversation, without accusations, and with understanding. To talk about that we get frustrated and annoyed, and at the same time to understand why he did not. Perhaps the reason really respectful, and his offense requires leniency. But it is equally important to our child fulfilled the request, so in the end of the conversation right along to decide when he will take in his room.
third, Hyper (over-caring attitude) is the child deprived of independence, infantile, can withstand stress, can't stand up for themselves may become a victim of aggression and takes out aggression on objects (tearing books, breaking things). It's about how important it is to cultivate the child's personality, which can Express themselves, to stand up for themselves, to overcome difficulties. Unfortunately, we too often regret their children, making them weak and helpless. And going into society (kindergarten, school, etc.) the child is difficult to interact with other kids, because mom and dad are not around, and the experience of overcoming difficulties he has acquired. It's hard to learn to walk when you are on the hands.
Also the aggressive behavior of the child can be related to normative crises. Are periods in child development when it is a change of needs and ways of interacting with the outside world. The nature of the child requires change and well when the parents are ready for them. If not, between parents and their child, there are many contradictions and conflicts associated with aggressive responses on both sides. I think many have heard or personally know of three rebel or a bad boy. I will not delve into this topic, as it requires individual lighting.
so we've talked about the most common causes of childhood aggression, and during the discussion I partially mentioned how parents treat her. I offer you General principles of communication with an aggressive child:
- Pay attention to their attitude to the child, how You talk to him, like asking for something and then give thanks.
- Let the child in every moment of feels that You love him, appreciate and accept what it is You need. Do not hesitate it once again to caress and regret.
- Show a personal example of effective behavior, and avoid angry outbursts and uncomplimentary statements about the child and about other people.
- the Ban, raising the voice, physical impact is the most inefficient methods of overcoming of aggression. Only by understanding the reasons for this behavior, we can hope for improvement.
- Create the ability for empathy and compassion.
- Give your child a chance to vent their aggression, to shift it to other objects (for example, to beat a pillow).
- don't suppress the attempts of "self-esteem"of the child, treat with understanding, try to negotiate peace.
In conclusion, we can say that both adults and children, aggression is a way of protection. And the child, being more sensitive, faster and brighter responds to the attempts of the outside world to violate personal space, a sense of self-worth, self-respect and security. So I wish all parents to be warm and accepting the external world for your child!
With readiness will answer Your questions and provide psychological assistance to You and Your child!