Done! Children sent in camp/grandma/visit at noon. All as advised by a marriage counselor. You with my husband home alone.

And what to do now?

Near my husband feel uncomfortable — what to do?

 dreams as soon as you close the door behind baby, you catch each other life is movie "9 and a half weeks”. On the thing is more like “pie”: you close the door, turn to her husband, languidly and passionately overcame to him, he says: «Well what I drink, the TV will look!”. Dumb and ProRes: “Shazam — tada-there FIU!”

a Feeling of unease. What he is waiting for? And I can? And what do you want?

Here is how he described the situation to my client Olesya:

“who Sent her daughter to camp all weekend. Stayed with husband and two. It was so weird! We both felt uncomfortable. Before would be organized dances and bare steel to run on the apartment. And now that was disappointing. I do not the feeling that it is urgent to think of something! Something to do! My husband said he just wants on the couch to lie down. But I got him to go on a roller skating. Now I think — could not need to be persuaded? In not understand, was it good or bad”

About what is the revelation? On fact that is necessary to advance together to plan what you going to do when you are alone?

Likely, if you plan in advance, then get something like this (taken from other revelations):

1 option « we will be a half day. Just in time to finish the repairs on the balcony” or “it will be Necessary to disassemble winter clothes and remove them. I will ever use.”

2 option: “Get on bicycles go to the Park. I know you want to lie on the couch. But should lead a healthy lifestyle. When we with you will be able to take care of your health?”.

3 option: «Well finally let's stay in silence”

what do you think is the most effective?

the Answer is simple — it depends on what goals you set myself on this time. If you want to do something useful, the first or second option. If the same goal: to get out of the family crisis, to establish relations with the husband — the best third option.

No plan. Just the anticipation of complete irresponsibility.

Why awkward to be alone together?

Why is so awkward to be close together? Like, people.

But who are you each other.

You mom + dad, the host + hostess, worker + worker, even a lover + lover. You know what to do, based on these roles. Cleaning, parenting, sex and If you in the role of husband and wife, how to behave? What to do with her husband?

my Husband and wife — the two halves. For the time that you were shipped to the parent and the owner's objectives, these halves a little Raseinyai. You came from the General rhythm, turned the dissonance. To once again become a couple, have come to a single sound.

You can say: “As well, after all, we every day together! WE do everything together!” to Be together and to feel the unity — one that . WE erected internal borders. Close their fears or resentment to avoid unpleasant situations. Away, formally continuing to be together.

  time that you will hold without children, you can try again to adjust to one friend. Most importantly, follow the rules.

Rules of the joint activities.

1) the relaxation Time must be planned in advance. You must know exactly what at this day in this time you wait a few hours (or days) free from obligations as a parent or someone else.

2) the Rest should be regular. &Nbsp;there is desirable to think in advance when you repeat similar event. Otherwise it will be tempted to do for once, the dream. From this anxiety will increase («And suddenly, everything is not make it?”), and instead of relaxing it will be a continuous stress.

3) plan how to spend every minute of the allotted time. If you really want, let everyone think of one thing, for a while. But must be time and force on «free art". Time to listen each other.

4) Remember that you not have to entertain each other and to come up with something. You should just be there. But not play a familiar role, I have said. It is to take both for laptop to work several hours, maybe, and romantic, but not the format of communication, we say.

5) If you feel an internal itch: “we Need to do something!”, try shower! In extreme cases, wash hands and face.

6) it is Desirable that a free amount that can be spent without worries.

7) Look for a General, not persuading each other, and offering a queue. Or pull the lot.

8) will not hurry.

So what do again to find harmony?

1) of Course, love. If you want to. If you don't want, better not necessary.

2) Nothing is as unites like having a common meal and prayer. Not tired about to say. Not know where to begin — start with tea. Sometimes it takes hours. Condition — the dishes then cleans up after each himself, or go to cafe. To the wife do not return to the role of mistress, which is probably weary.

3) really, just lie down. Just lie down next to it and lying down, without gadgets. You can take a bed a glass of wine. Or go for a walk.

4) the Most difficult question - and what you want? You love? Can just about to talk with husband. Together povspominat childhood, dreams, important points.

5) Together, you can watch movies (both interesting). Yes, though crosswords to solve! The main thing that you understand — it is a time of irresponsibility.

6) Go to the car somewhere where it is not was. Open the map of the city, find a new Park and go there. Ice cream, cake and etc.

of Course we used to solve problems, implement plans. It is difficult for us, if you can not do anything. Have a lot — cleaning, repair and  ... But the psychologist says it is. To simplify, consider that you are now one problem — to hear the heart of the partner.

This article is excerpted from my book "Women's mistakes in marriage". Read more about the book you can find here

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