There are three places in which the Critic lives.
the First option – it is hidden in projections onto other people. The famous “what people say”, “what the neighbors will think», «colleagues would not approve”…
This is the easiest case to upgrade an outdated version of your Criticism to a more modern and constructive. Here the figure of the Critic is recognized as a separate image, it is available for verbal contact, that is, it can “assemble” in some stable character, let it be for example:
– spiteful and envious colleague Clara Zakharovna. Lips are pursed into a thin line, Kurashiki around the perimeter of the persons with “appropriate make-up”, nasty shrill-deaf voice and confidence in their own right.
And then, when “what people will say" begin to grumble, scream and do everything you nightmares, and you recognize that through shame, fear, anxiety, guilt, are precious Clara Zakharovna and “talk” with it.
whether that “she said" really?
It's true adequately? Right?
This is useful for You? Yes? What?
OK
And she can go to a hairdresser and generally turn into a more likeable character? Wonderful
And she can say sensible grain in their criticism in a more constructive manner? Could, but do not know how?
OK, you teach her. Your Kritikessa. Own. Useful in internal management structure.
And now the stylish Clara Zakharovna with a cute haircut tells you something like:
— is great, my friend. You did a great job. You got it that's the star here is the fish and superbly vooon the flourish. Now pay attention, this one thing next time, perhaps better to do this way, that way and voooot such a coil.
Agree that it's a completely different style of criticism? And it is a pleasure to build and the next time you want to consider when it comes to doing this thing with the coil.
Where lives a Critic? House number Two.that day they handed over the project. Two years of work, half an hour presentation and nervous waiting for the decision of the investor…
Stepan, the inspirer of the project, was happy, calm and confident. He had no doubt as to the outcome.
— the Product quality, the pilot phase went well, we did more than promised. Now they all weigh will discuss and propose we start a production and to do something interesting… Look, guys, I got another idea!
Guys, Basil and novel to listen to was not.
Basil could hardly keep himself in place. He literally could hear the voice of the father “are you? Punk, what can you do? You're as stupid as your mother, and you have curves hands!”
the novel Takamine. His thumping heart, he was barely breathing. Cheeks burning, he was ashamed and afraid.
— who are you? - sounded in his ears the confident voice of the grandmother. – You no one can call you!
He could barely emerge from memories: he is proud, happy and runs home to tell mom – first place in city Olympiad on physics. He goes to the Russian. They couldn't even dream about it…
But the house is quiet, mom is not the mouse from the lab can barely speak – a mother-in-law.
And her Royal resolution to attempt to tell you about the success:
— who are you? What other Olympics? No shame! - sounded in his ears the confident voice of the grandmother. – You no one can call you!
Stepan has, as always, right. Confident in life lucky and a realist, he speaks the words of gratitude, shaking hands with the investor, takes the draft of the agreement “thank you, tomorrow will return, only a lawyer will show, we believe you, just show, Yes, thank you”.
Happily dancing something very creative in the restaurant, where they came to celebrate the success.
— look!!! Cool!!! – shows the seventh time the smartphone screen with a message from the Bank about transfer of the pledged amount to the account…
And did not understand why his fellow partners like not even on squeezed lemons, and used tea bags…
meanwhile, in the mind of Basil continues to run amok father, telling him that everything happened only because of the Novel and of Stephen, that he, Vaska, can not do anything, and generally…
the novel is also not particularly pleased, because the success of the brighter, the louder his grandmother inside criticizes and humiliates him.
And he almost decides to throw a new phase of their project, as once in the past he did with the Olympics – in order not to embarrass his grandmother and not frustrating, and so terribly frightened mother.
If the Critic in childhood was moderate and on occasion, he is living in the projections of “what people say”.
Second, deeper level – real images, the words of relatives of important people who brought their negative and destructive messages to the child in childhood.
to Work with this level is harder than the first, because these people have unshakable credibility in the eyes of a child, even if it is many years already.
Heading here
— to overestimate the degree of credibility of a significant adult from child from your current age and life experience;
— to create other support and stable, adequate to reality internal model. To build support anew.
— if possible, with a psychologist to process the situations of childhood, where the Child believed everything negative that was said by Critics and was not able to avoid it, as it is the closest people.
Now you can separate the love and care that he received from them and keep them. And to separate and recognize the error of their negativity to your address.
As if they gave you inherited a valuable painting in a frame of barbed wire.
Wire – sit in nonferrous metal, picture – leave.
Where lives a Critic? House number Three.the deepest option for the “where the critic lives” — that's when he merged with the identity of a person.
Can be critical of the relationship in childhood was excessively much. Maybe the child was sensitive and trustful, and very much loved parents, relatives, teachers –the knockers.
Maybe there was no other alternative significant adults with supportive, respectful and loving relationship.
And the child grew, and his beliefs that he “not as” he sincerely seem to be his own.
It is not “what people will say" from the first version.
It is not “Mama scolds”, “grandma name-calling”, “father criticizes" from the second.
This is the private belief of a child and now an adult himself.
any practicing psychologist, there are certainly dozens of memories about clients, very smart, but sincerely consider themselves to be “stupid”.
Interesting, charming, charismatic – totally considers himself “gray mice”.
Beautiful, not just pretty, but beautiful and confident that they “a terrible nuclear war”.
If the beliefs of such people begin to confront directly – you're smart, interesting, attractive – they drop and their confidence is reduced.
Or they devalue these words “psychologist, he is supposed to say so”.
Or so “Yes, he/she does not know me”. “It is they, out of politeness, say so.”
to better understand this condition, suppose you are told that your name isn't … (your real name), and Aglaida Silantieva semushkina.
That's about it for people who Critic are sewn into identity sound any good supporting words in their address.
If they are angry and pissed off – then it is good, it means they potentially see as possible, and aggression is because of accumulated pain from long life with negative self-attitudes.
Without hope there would be pain and anger.
Very often, good words "no fly”, are not perceived as anything like a reasonable and related to a real person.
And it's not flirting!!!
For people who have Critic has seeped into the core of self – identity — it is a reality.
So in such situations, a very long and painstaking, gradual and difficult.
Support the internal figures “live” in the same three houses.
the best solution – at the level of identity. I'm OK, You're OK, They are approx.
In a realistic, common version-level support (and the memory of them, i.e. internal figures).
In the version in unstable self-esteem – the huskies. Praised “what people say” — you can live happily – some days, someone a couple of hours.
Scolded – Boo-Plaka, sadness, frustration, shame, fear, anger, envy and pain.
As your Critic and Support Figures – understood "where you live”?
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