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Where to get the answer to the question "What to do?"

Many say about emotional intelligence. Wikipedia offers that is its definition "Emotional intelligence (EI; eng. emotional intelligence, EI) is the ability of a person to recognize emotions, to understand the intentions, motivations and desires of other people and your own as well as the ability to manage your emotions and emotions of others in order to solve practical problems". I think it is insufficient. What if you added something else. "In particular, they point directly to what and how it is useful to do in a particular situation".

Our mind which we are so accustomed to rely, often deceives us. One of us had a situation that we all are weighed, counted, planned and.... not a damn thing happened? Thus themselves recognized that somehow knew that would not happen, a premonition of failure was already near. At You happened? Me too.

it is obvious that in the same circumstances, even similar people feel and experience a very different range of emotions. Some get angry, others get discouraged, third-party events fun. Why is this happening?

What if inside us there is a place from which our life situation is visible in its entirety? See all our resources, even those which we ourselves do not admit. Obvious and transparent resources and intentions of other people, even those in which they themselves are not recognized. Circumstances disclosed deeply and completely. Clear communication of what is happening with the past and the future... And it's not a "mind/mind". "Mind", which we used to rely on, just doesn't cover. The language of the thoughts/symbols, in which we "mind" talk, can't describe all ...

And here from this place is born the impetus that turns into an emotion/feeling/experience. This is the language that tells us something that we should help. Because this place is part of us and it is for us, for to us it was the best possible way. We just say what should be done and how to be good. And we can't read. Do not understand what we say.

the Eskimos have more than 30 definitions of snow conditions. Why so many? Yes, because their life depends on it. Not "read" the snow, had the wrong skis, went hunting and never returned. When I invite the participants to name 30 brands with which they met yesterday, they easily call brands of cars, phones, clothes, etc. And when asked to name 30 of the feelings that they all no doubt experienced yesterday, there is a stupor. Not just can't remember. In General, it is difficult to call what they feel and experience.

In 2016, I wrote an analysis of what it is to me for a consultation come clients. It turned out that it all comes down to two issues. 1 – I feel nothing. 2 – I don't know what I want.

We were not taught or were taught to look inward. We captured the outside world, its colors, sequins and shimmer, that you stop paying attention to the internal world. Cease to understand it and to hear. Detach from feelings and experiences. Tear contact. And begin to rely on the mind. And its capabilities are still very limited and often it just confuses us and leads to a deadlock. Yes, Yes, we find ourselves at an impasse, because overly relied on this Navigator.

My personal reaction to stress is anger. And I myself know this well. When I am in difficult circumstances, that anger me and are mobilizing forces and internal resources in order to transform the situation.

That means in this case "transform"? It means to refuse to write a strange report, to say another "no" or to show him the requirements to assemble and finish what does not work and so I Think many of us know this.

Why would I want her to transform? Because I want to! Because if I do, then I agree with the fact that I would be affected. And I do not agree!

And if you approach the feelings of anger from the practical side, not to go into affect and the "nesoznanku". Try to hear and what's actually offered me to make the place where you can see everything. It is useful to ask a few questions:

- what exactly directed my anger? This will help from thinking: "I do ALL ALWAYS not satisfied", move on to some constructive specifics. And generally it is useful to remember than more categorical in my comments. The more they contain ALL, ALWAYS, NEVER, NOTHING, NO way, etc, the more it shows that I'm inadequate;

- exactly how I want it to change? This will help from thinking: "Now I have it/him/her with an axe severed", to switch to something more effective. Will be a more or less distinct plan of action.

- what am I going to get in the end? Well, not the chips the same Cabinet that does not want to meet, You need. And don't crank through a meat grinder the corpse of a business partner. You need a different result. The Cabinet, which wanted to put the book. Or money on R/C for the transaction.

it is important to catch the shades and nuances of their feelings and experiences. Because in them is hidden a lot. Details often reveal what is most important.

I have said that my response to stress anger. And I myself know it very well. So good that my the mind, which knows and remembers me sometimes brings. Illustration. Some period I was in a relationship in which I was not much satisfied. I often was angry. Let me remind you that anger is the impulse to have something to transform, to convert. And here I was trying to change something in the relationship anyway. And not a damn thing worked. From the word VOOOOOOBSCHE. For some the road to Calvary/circle. It lasted a long time. And at some point I checked as to whether the anger I feel. Maybe there's something else that I'm missing. And suddenly I realized that for the usual anger, a little deeper it is a feeling I rarely experience, and little acquainted with him. Why it so long escaped. Disgust.

it reflects a feeling of disgust? It suggests that we stay away from what it is directed. Didn't run at all (this is what we would say fear). Not broken to this contact (this is what we would say frustrating). And stepped back, moved away and watched, listened, studied. Why? To learn the lesson that life brings us. To make the necessary conclusions. And the power of disgust tells us the distance that we need to move away (in a psychological sense, of course).

At the physical level analogue of disgust, the feeling of nausea. When we are sick, we need to learn a lesson and not eat/drink anything. Not stuff that sometimes tells us our wicked mind that causes a lot of arguments or excuses. But to limit or give up altogether. Or more precisely, to abandon for something specific. Remove it from the diet. Do not refuse to eat at all. Do not refuse to visit a particular restaurant. Just to know, what should not be in the plate. And if you hear their feelings and experiences, not just thoughts, it is in General not so difficult to do.

Realizing what I actually feel. Read her disgust. I have mentioned, disagree with, and that further unacceptable to "away" to desired distance, reduced contact to a minimum and took a wait and see position. And this very quickly led to the change in the relationship, which I couldn't achieve trying to change something, putting a lot of effort. The answer to the question: "What do I do?" was all this time inside me. But I did not hear him.

Another difficulty is that sometimes hints that we will hear will seem to us inappropriate and even paradoxical. So what. They just go from where everything seems different, more varied, harder, deeper. Of course sometimes it will seem somewhat irrelevant, nonsense or an impossible test.

And at the end. What will happen if you ignore the feelings and be guided solely by "mind"? Yes, actually it was already answered. First will increase the internal stress. Then the voltage will be sky-high and cause breakdowns. But if You are strong willed person who is in control, then You step back from your feelings, don't allow yourself to pay attention. They are not going anywhere. And in the end, mental stress is expressed physically (gastric ulcer, of unknown Allergy, cardio problems, etc.), or "explode" at some point, so that will not find it. And it's a scientifically proven fact.

And then come on consultation to the psychologist and say that nothing can be and not know what you want. Okay if will come....

PS it can seem that in the jumble of feelings and experiences that sometimes we are overwhelmed, do not understand. No. To understand. Fact. Scientific.

P. S. S. next post, I will share my observations about what they say the other senses. What we can suggest despair, sadness, shame, guilt, fear, anger, frustration, resentment, etc. We can ponder, what is the nature of these feelings and what they really call us.

P. S. S. S. You can write in comments, what I would like to disassemble in the first place. Write. Analyze.


2018-12-17
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