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to Wait or not to wait for offers from your favorite men – almost hamlet's question for many girls who are in relationships for years. It would seem that in the modern world for many, no longer is important that it is male dominated in a pair. However, nowhere will you find articles for men about how to wait for a proposal of marriage from women. Whether to wait for a cherished proposal, if a man draws from the initiative, or to take matters into their own hands — weigh all the "pros" and "cons".
Oh married unbearable
Us as a couple for five years, lived together for three years, and my young man did not dare to take me to wife, crying my client, 26-year-old Alena. — Self-esteem drops, I am very sad that I'm worse than my girlfriend, who very suddenly povyskakivali married? — she continues.
No, not worse. And to compare yourself with others is not worth it. Just Alenin young man is still undecided, he was afraid to take responsibility for the relationship and for this particular woman. Because it is very convenient that Alain performs all the functions of wife cares about him and about life, spends free time together, sleeping with him, earns money. Another thing, Alain recently ceased to arrange things. I could see that happen, even Alain to the hospital to civilian husband was not allowed.
As a family psychologist, I am strongly against civil marriages with a shelf life of one year. Why? Let's explain. First, no legal rights — neither marital property nor businesses, nor on social status. Secondly, there are no guarantees: what if the man did not dare or change your mind. Third, time is running out, so it is possible to wait until the depletion of stocks of follicles.
Why is it so important to offer.
In all times, in any desired modes, in war or peace time, most girls are waiting for offers of marriage from her beloved. Why? Because it means only one thing — the man has chosen you among all the billions of women on Earth, you are the most beautiful, desirable and loved and here and now he decided: "We together in sorrow and in joy, in wealth and poverty, in sickness and in health. Now and forever". After all, he — man, and his word is law.
Patience – the female quality that the girls were trained from childhood for many centuries before and after Christ. In the wild tribes, and to this day there are female initiation: girls are isolated in separate rooms or hung in hammocks for a few months so they learned is important for women to accept their fate and endure. The woman important to be able to wait until the grain sown in the ground, germinate and zakolositsya until the man returned from the hunt until the baby is born, or cooked cereal. However, the modern reality is that men are becoming more feminine and women masculine. Traditional women's strategy "the young lady already in bed and asking" sorry, not working. Or working but with a limited number of men. Therefore, sooner or later the question arises: maybe make a suggestion? Yes, of course, if you are brave and strong.
shifting roles. We fear that if we offer ourselves, and it will drag myself to the adoption of the most important decisions in the pair. But no. In the relationship of the infantile men become more childish, regardless of our manifestations, and Mature – more Mature. Please don't think that a snowflake is the snow.
"I was forced". Girls don't make suggestions to their men, because they are afraid that then his entire life the man will recall: "the horror, the Horror, you forced me into marrying her". Let me tell you a great secret: a man marries only one case – if he wants to marry. No other force can not make it. And the more there is no one to enforce it. Therefore, if a man once about it and remember, it's manipulation. Remember the saying "let bygones, that bygones", that's it, she's just about a similar situation.
the Fear of losing one. But it is here more the real reason than any flimsy. Sooner or later we suddenly find that we are 20+, 30+ or 40+, I want to have more, life is so rapid, and there is not perfect man, but his. From pluses — it is clear that he is the dearest, you love his smell, how he laughs and how you're skiing in winter. But this man is not the only man on Earth, and you have the chance to meet the other, which after some time will become native. And the cons: if a man never marries you, will you be able to take it? And if to remain in a relationship that is unhappy, why do you need such a relationship?
How to propose to a man
Ultimatum. A lot of girls do offer an ultimatum – either you marry me or we break up. This makes sense if you are really ready to leave. Because men are smart and, first and foremost, read your determination. Advantage of this option will decrease the voltage. Not all of us have the tolerance to stress — literally to live under the sword of Damocles waiting. By the way, the suspense is very energy consuming for the mind and good undermines the faith in yourself. Negative — man can say he's not ready for marriage. Then you have to either really leave, or accept that more of your ultimatums will not work.
to Agree on critical terms. When you live in a civil marriage, a man gets everything at once. The needs of men living together is very simple: sexual satisfaction, partner, pastime, physical attractiveness of its women, peace and comfort in the house and constant admiration for him. These needs are perfectly satisfied in cohabitation, so men have no incentive to further develop relationships.
In this case, it is a good way to leave a free man for the initiative, but to define their terms, like this: if you still agreed on civil marriage, clearly stipulate time limits. For example, we live half of the year and if we are satisfied, apply to the Registrar.
Pick up to return. If you notice that time goes by, and offer no, do not have to face care and take all at once. You can, for example, gradually to stop to cook, but not deliberately, and cleverly. Occupy yourself with work, Hobbies, personal Affairs. And in response to a complaint, gently and kindly notice that if you were married, then Yes, you would put cooking a priority. And when you get married, all must be the same. And now you just can't afford it. Of course, this number will be not with every man. But if it is so important to you was a cook at the full rate, not to marry on his part just plain rude. And in this way there is a risk — you can enjoy a new, more free life that you're glad to get out of this relationship, where the man somehow convinced that can many years to keep you waiting, getting all.
Photo from open sources, F. Soulacroix "Offer"