When you've got the wrong idea in the child about there's a you're a kid, you can face the present with what will stay or deny this identity. No extreme about your childhood home, reflects who you really are.

"I was a sociable child, not beautiful, not smart and definitely not talented." This phrase is a client caught me off guard, I was surprised not only that she completely objective standards, smart, beautiful and talented, and what was the tone when she said it, it was a tone of acceptance, consent and shrug, "well I am who I am."

how we are seen and how we were treated in our family happened at an early stage of our existence and has a strong influence on how we see ourselves throughout our lives. The usual look of easy disgust from parents, lack of affection or joy that they felt in our presence, the fellowship that we experienced as forced and fake, or supposedly useful criticism, which they expressed in "trying to help us to improve ourselves"- all these expressed and unexpressed relations were learned by our fast developing, the minds that sought to understand themselves and the environment. It was so, even if these definitions are a little similar to who we really are.

for Example, if we were considered to be in need, and our needs are suppressed by our parents, we could consider himself selfish or Intrusive. Perhaps we grew up feeling that we need to be persistent to get what we want. Or perhaps we plunged into themselves and shied away from expressing our needs and desires in the hope never to suffer again.

If our family is praised for self-sufficiency and the fact that doing something ourselves, we might have grown up feeling guilty, to ask for something. Can we believe that there should be independent and never ask for help and, in any case, to rely too much on others. If we were considered wild and uncontrolled, we may have bought into the idea that just can't be something to spoil and irresponsible.

When people get the wrong idea about who they are, like little children, they face potential life trying to prove or disprove this identity. The problem is that rarely any of these extremes represents who we really are. If we were always "loud and talkative", we might think that needs to have fun and be the center of attention, or we can think of that I should keep my mouth shut so as not to irritate others. These adaptations are not necessarily our interests reflect our potential or represent how we want to live.

for Example, a person who has struggled with the development of a romantic relationship, wanted to break your patern and be in a serious, loving relationship. Again and again he was drawn to women who were focused on themselves and moved away. When the woman with whom he met, showed him real interest, laughed at his jokes and outwardly expressed desire, he was discharged and lost interest. However, when the woman had given him periodic attention, one minute was warm, and when they lost interest, self-centered, cold and inaccessible, he felt more drawn to her. He knew that he was struggling with feelings of unattractiveness, but continued to choose partners that made him feel unloved. It was more comfortable to maintain a negative sense of self, which he learned as a little boy who felt like an unwanted child than to see yourself through the eyes of someone who saw it differently.

When we accept that our earliest relationships and these old identities control the way of understanding itself, which often has nothing to do with who we are, we give ourselves permission to break the walls of our past and to build a new and more realistic view of yourself. We can experience compassion for ourselves as children who have learned these Paterna and feelings. We can estimate that we are now adults that make their own choices and shape our own values. Finally, we can take immediate steps that reflect what we want and what we are, without balanced representations of who we've believed myself.

Analytical psychologist Olovyanishnikov Anna S., +79873837638