Often it happens that people just starting with someone to communicate, is changing literally overnight. With these changes come only with some specific person - with all the rest it is the same as before. And only this particular person, he begins to do absolutely not typical for earlier stuff. Why is this happening?
the fact that living a long time in one way or another important setting, whether family or significant others, the person gets used to live in a specific role or in a specific scenario. Moreover, is does not mean that this role or a script you like - just as he used to. It's like a program you installed, and now the person is obliged to follow it. Moreover, if this program had not changed, and the people with whom he "played a role" for one reason or another ceased to be around, their place substitute for those who is with this person in one space and continue to play their role.
So, if the mother is all the child beating daughter and said that no normal man can't love her because she's a geek, she'll find a man who will beat her like a mother (even if he's a fly couldn't hurt) and to speak about it as an avid lifter. And all because my mom, like, ceased to live next, and the internal demand and the usual actions. It would be difficult, unpleasant, painful, and at the same time, somewhere deep inside, she will experience a state of inner happiness, because it plays on the familiar scenario.
Or the man, to which all child, my mother said good of him, nothing will come out that he is an unfit son, and therefore in the future an unfit father, meets a girl, they like each other and, most interestingly, she begins to admire as a man. First, for him it is amazing and incredible - he didn't know this, and something crushed inside begins to rejoice: "Hurrah, I noticed!". But, lo and behold, in a short period of time are incredible transformatsiia, hitherto a lovely girl, charmed a young man, sometimes becomes like fury, are increasingly beginning to make his remarks, and he consciously or unconsciously does everything so that the accusations and reproaches became more often, sometimes even if the girl is that she didn't want to. And sometimes distorts her words, thus creating a new argument.
the two situations are very similar, even if at first glance it seems that they are somewhat different. Yes, and they have one root - children "miss you around here" the mothers. Why miss you around here? Because that's how moms with them were - they became a kind of ideal young relationship, the kind of caring and love, even if it does not meet social standards.
In psychology there is the concept of "imprinting" - the primary imprinting, how the baby perceives the mother in the first minutes of birth. However, if you look at the life of modern man, you will notice that the primary sealing applies not only to the child's perception of mother, but also in terms of love, family and ideals of life.
American psychologist and a psychiatrist Eric Berne identified three roles that can live the person: the Stalker, the attacker and the victim.
In the above two examples clearly seen in children the behavior of Gervais. Accustomed from childhood to this role, the person goes on with her life and the people around him have no choice but to take the remaining two roles.
Another thing, when this man makes the conscious decision to change your lifestyle and miastenia.
How to do it?
Consciously to abandon the old thoughts and reactions following the new image of yourself. How to find yourself and to create your new image you will be able to learn at seminars and constellation groups, which are held at our center.