Colleague in his article presented a metaphor for the relationship men and women as the only right option suitable for all women and men, as he thought. Women, it is not indifferent, causing resentment.
I thought...there is no common metaphor of the relationship of men and women, suitable for all. No, as it should be. We can choose as we want. Can decide what's right for me and what is not. Why me, What needs I want to satisfy which goals I want to strive for and achieve in partnership with others?
I want in this relationship, have children and educate them, "to build a happy family" or just me with my parents already tired of living? Or I want, in partnership with the spouse to realize a global task for yourself and others. Everyone has their own objectives, conscious or not.
What suits me does not necessarily suit others. There is no right decision for all women and men.
Working with couples as a family therapist, have long been disappointed in the possibility of simple solutions. The problem in the relationship may affect two different levels: the experience of two family systems, which merged their units in This man and This woman. Everyone has his adscititious experiences, its not complete situation of childhood trauma, values, priorities and direction in life, their needs and most of them is unconscious.
We choose each other and enter into a relationship is not always aware of their scripts, so that Other lost on our stage our play or performance, in our script we wrote in childhood and forgot that we had it. And that in the end necessarily a Happy End, for neither will this production end...
This Other, not really aware of what he "got"... But life is a game, and we're the actors, as Shakespeare said.
In different periods of life of couples, partners living in different periods, not always smooth in their passing in the face of crises. Overcoming go on or not go. If, for example, a task that was assumed in these relationships – is solved. Relationship finish - to create new....And it is a daily choice and a different relationship with him.
We are all so multifaceted - two people are two Universes... a man and a woman, it is also Universes with different climate and device. We are different and that's a fact. Physiology, hormones, the right and left hemisphere, energy processes and a lot more then we are different. This can be a resource in a relationship, and can be a curse. Or both.
as much as possible to understand the other? How we understand ourselves, you say. But in relationships with the opposite sex, this may not always be so. We don't understand each other because of the difference of his nature, that men and women are arranged differently. We will not be able to understand and be understood as we would have liked. We may try to understand the Other. We can try to understand man. Men can try to understand us women.
I am surprised by the speakers, trainers men who say, teach a woman to be the woman you need to be a woman, to be chosen a man to be loved, etc. "that femininity eyes of men." No man was in a woman's body, not fathered another child, not feeding him breast, not encountered in other processes in the female body.
As I see, this attempt creates a "perfect image of a woman" which does not exist in nature...but to aspire to the woman that the man was good. In the end the "woman" in confusion...This character involves simultaneously be a mother to men, to combine sexuality and attractiveness.
Creates social expectations that a man needs that a woman needs.... These detached from reality expectations prevent us from seeing real people, real men and real women. With their different needs and expectations from a relationship.