In my practice, I often encounter a situation in the lives of my clients when they build new relationships (this can be as formal marriage, and the honeymoon period), without completing the old ones. And oddly enough it is this fact prevents them to establish a personal life in the present.
What do you mean "previous relationships is incomplete"?
Highlight the selected features (they are suitable for any level of relationships: from a few meetings to a long term marriage):
- you still get angry/offended/unhappy with your partner for how he/she was wrong, how many did you wrong;
are you sorry you met this man and spent my time on it;
- you often (2-3 times a day or more) I remember a situation from your past life together and conduct a mental dialogue with the partner;
- you "left the English" (not expressed to each other all the accumulated complaints and grievances);
- are you looking for a new partner to hurt previous ("May he/she sees whom lost and whom I found myself/found!");
- you gradually (in the social.networks, through friends, through a shared child) "watch" over the personal life of the former ( he's alone or with someone you chose yourself) and most likely happy with their "wrong" choice.
- now their actions (for example, meetings and communication with the child) he/she is causing you a lot of negative emotions ("He/she just infuriates me!");
- you attribute negative qualities of a child to his parent, your ex - /ex - ("My son is lazy like his father. It's his genes". "My daughter's a tramp, just like her mother!").
- hand on heart, you cannot forgive your former partner to be him/her grateful for the acquired in this relationship.
the Presence of any of these signs suggests that you "live" in past relationships, and they (those past relationships) run your life – affecting your choices, your attitude to certain situations, what angle you look at yourself and the people around you.
so what's going on with your real life? Who are you attracted to her?
Building a new relationship, you start to avoid those sharp corners that were in the previous one (if the first husband was greedy, you are looking for generous; if he was a tyrant, looking for soft; if the first wife lived only for themselves, looking for one that will take care of you). And like you met my new destiny, dreaming about a. And yet in moments of conflict you "fancied" that he/she behaves, how did your ex-husband/wife; even the same words. Write it "seems to" because when man lives to the end of your experience (didn't take that valuable that they gave him for life, not learned new skills), he responds to the new situation through the prism of their grudges, anger, hatred left over from the past. Of course, this perception is extremely distorted, and a new partner, likely far in their words and actions of the former lover. It turns out that unfinished past relationships hang "like the sword of Damocles" over your real relationships. And the only question is when it will fall and destroy them completely.
there Is still such variant of development of events (it happens even more often). Into your life comes a new man who at first seems like a completely different, and after some time and the development of your relationship it becomes almost an exact "copy" of a previous partner. In this case, you can say that you have not passed your life lesson and go on the thumb, in a circle, "stepping on the same rake". Here, in addition to the completion of your previous relationships included different mechanism – the scenario that was laid in your childhood. To change it yourself quite difficult. Necessary assistance and support of an experienced specialist. But understand that the situation is one and the same pattern for everyone.
so what should you do to let go of a previous relationship.
- live all the negative feelings for the partner: to feel, to speak, to write, to draw, until they no longer carry an emotional charge for you;
- to find something positive that you gave this relationship to life in General;
- accept both positive and negative qualities of the child as their own, regardless of who his father and mother;
- "let go" of her ex to stop him to watch, to evaluate, to gloat;
- sincerely (in your heart) to forgive your partner and sincerely (in his soul) to thank him coming into your life and the good and bad that it gave you.
When you can do it, you will have to harmonize its internal state, to build his life anew and to bring into it is really worthy you the person.
If among your friends there are people to whom this article might be useful, share it.
Dive into a new relationship with pleasure and interest, not with hard feelings for previous partners.