Why is it so difficult to be a parent?

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Always it was so unpredictable and worrisome? Older generations earlier complained that the youth does not respect them and claimed that they themselves were much disciplined. But in recent years, many parents intuitively feel that something is wrong.Many will agree that raising children is not an easy task. You can often hear that today's children are different today and the education methods of the past no longer apply. And the world is changing rapidly and forty parents understand that their child is alive and wants autonomy more and before they in his childhood.

Children are now no longer match our ideas about them. They don't always follow the example of adults, are less afraid of trouble. They seem less innocent and naive, they no longer look at the world with eyes wide open; they don't know how bewildered or wonders of nature or the creation of man no longer excite in them a thirst of discovery. Many children today seem sophisticated for his age, even presidendile in a sense "matured" early. They become very boring without the companionship of their own kind, and no high-tech devices at hand. Creative play alone thing of the past. Many parents recall how loved as a child enjoy playing with clay near the yard, to build sand castles. The children are now less addicted to it, which significantly reduces the development of creative imagination.

Parents seem to also have changed. Past generations of parents were calmer, more confident, and, good or bad, they have more influence on their children. Today parenting has ceased to be natural. Modern parents love their children more than ever, but that love does not always help to cope with difficulties. Every parent today can teach their children as past generations, but it is unknown why, modern parents do not always have the ability to transfer knowledge. Parents find it increasingly difficult to feel strength and confidence to guide their children to realize their own potential. Parents are filled with anxiety more than past generations. Sometimes it seems, unconsciously, that the world has become less safe for children and parents unable to protect them. Gulf between generations of adults and children, are increasingly looks irresistible.

the Parent of struggling to fit the "right way" to parent. Not achieving the results we want, parents calling to children through manipulation, use bribes as expensive gifts. Today more and more often hear young mothers and fathers who treated their children too harshly, in a raised voice. Often the parents think that they cease to be themselves in relationships with their children. You can often hear that mothers and fathers be indifferent in times of crisis: in those moments when you really want to show unconditional love to the children, but for some reason it is difficult and sometimes impossible. Many feel hurt and rejected as parents blame themselves that have failed in their parental task. Many continue the song of generations past and blame the children for disobedience, addiction to TV, computer, school system. When powerlessness becomes unbearable parents often resort to primitive formulas authoritarian parenting, including "do it yourself, you're an adult".

the Importance of parental influence on the development and maturation of the young generation today by many professionals questioned. We passed the message in the circles of psychologists and therapists – the role of parents has depreciated.

the question about the influence of parents would not be so principled if the case of the younger generation went well. The fact that our children do not listen to us or accept our values, it would make, whether they are truly self-confident, independent, they possess subjective self-esteem, life goals, and understanding their path.

But it is easy to see that many children and young people, these qualities do not exist. At home, at school, in all kinds of communities maturing young people no longer find support. Many of them can't control themselves or suffer from mental illness, using drugs, exhibit violent or lead an aimless existence. They become more teachable and have more communication difficulties than their peers a few decades ago. Many of them have lost the ability to adapt, to learn from negative experiences and to grow up. Today many children and Teens doctors prescribed the drug to treat depression, phobias and many other disorders. With living parents often put the symptoms of child abandonment.

dedicated and responsible parents in despair. Despite the love and care the children are in a state of severe stress. Parents and other adults no longer are the natural teachers for young people, as it always has in human culture. Our grandparents wonder, " In our time we didn't need a manual on parenting, we just brought everything." The irony in the fact that today we are more than ever aware of the development of children, and we have more opportunities to visit different courses and reading books on education than all previous generations.

So what has changed?

lack context.

the Problem lies in one word – context. No matter how friendly we are, experienced or sympathetic, parenting does not occur in isolation from the environment. In order to be effective education requires context. The child will perceive parental guidance if it is formed in a clear context – a comfortable, encouraging development, guiding in the right direction. Children do not give authority to parents to educate them automatically, just because we adults or because we love them or think that we know better what is good for them.

What you need for successful education, if the parent experience and love is not enough?


There is absolutely need special type of relationship, without which education lacks a strong Foundation. Many famous psychologists call this type of relationship is attachment.

the Child is open to educational influence on the part of an adult only if he is very much attached to the adult, seeks to contact him, to reach.

At the beginning of life is the pursuit of attachment manifests itself mainly at the physical level: the child literally clings to the parent, needs to be kept on hand. If all goes according to plan, attachment involves emotional intimacy and eventually leads to the formation of close psychological connection. Children who do not have such a relationship with parents is very difficult to educate, and sometimes even to teach. Only attachment can create a suitable context for education.

the Secret of parenting is not what makes a parent and who he is for a child. When children are looking for intimacy with us and are committed to establishing contact, we become their mentors, teachers and advisers, comforters, and role models. If the child is strongly attached to their parents or one of them, it is a strategic base from which he can make forays to explore this world, a refuge where he will find support, inspiration. All the love in the world won't help if there is no psychological umbilical cord created by the child's attachment to us.

the Child must be attached to their parents, at least as long as in need of care parent. But this harder to achieve in the modern world. Inefficient methods of education do not lack of love, how many it is mentioned, or knowledge of, the matter of the insolvency of modern education in the destruction of the context of the attachment.

According to the book "don't lose their children", Neufeld and G. mate

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