I am close to the opinion of the psychologist Julia Bogacheva that "to educate" means to live together so that all was well. to Educate means to implement their parental freedom as possible, and to implement the children's freedom as possible.

let's See how this definition breaks the stereotype that the "ideal mother needs all his time to devote to the child and to put his interests above their own". Are you familiar with such thoughts? br>
Personally, I am very familiar with. The first four years after the birth of children I was torn apart by internal contradictions – the desire to remain in the profession to be interesting myself, husband, don't fall out "of the cage" and the blame for that "selected the child's mother" on their personal Affairs is a full meal, sleep in the right amount, playing sports, going to the doctor, meeting with friends, training and communication with customers. br>
as long as I'm not equalized in their rights with the baby, and along with her husband, which is also nemalovazhno, my motherhood was for me sheer hard labor. br>
Gradually I came to the thought that children adopt a sincere and things are real. You have probably noticed how a child is doing something you yourself are passionate about – bake cookies, play with the gadgets. It copies the observed behavior of adults – offended, avoids, inferior, shouting, and not one that hears the sermon – "can't fight", "yelling is not good". It is very important to understand when thinking about the General purpose of child rearing.

And what is the purpose of education? Not by the book, "formation of personality" and simply, parental? I think many parents will agree with me that they want to see their children as adults, independent and happy, therefore, to inculcate in them certain skills of behavior in society and investing in the head of different knowledge that children are able to afford this happiness to produce. But if you look at the previous paragraph, the logical conclusion is that happiness is a certain pattern of behavior, which the child also learns or not learns from their parents.

How about this idea? it Turns out that in order to grow as a person, you need to be for adults, independent and happy. it's simple. br>
But really? What we have with you, the parents, with their own adulthood, maturity, ability to live independently from other people (of course, quite independently does not happen). And what we have with you with a private "happy" - with the ability to organize your life to be happy?

I am convinced that if the parents themselves this bad, what would the child say, he is unlikely to become so. Or become, but not immediately - he will need support, help or magic pendel. And how many of us parents know how to support the child, so as not to devalue his feelings and show full acceptance? br>
If parents are able to SHOW your child that you can be independent, to defend their opinion, to live interesting and happy life, then it is likely that the child will live. Because that's what children learn through observation.

of Course, there's a possibility not a hundred percent, because there are things that parents influence just can't - they just need to let go. But it is important to do what parents can do:

• for example show borders - what in relation to you and what is not;
• flexible behave in a variety of situations – to ask for help, to concede, to agree, to insist on;
• to be in contact with your desires and implement them to fill his life with joy;
• give yourself the right to rest, not to be tired, wear out and dwindle infinitely;
• show your child a sample rate of negative emotions of sadness and anger, instead of devaluing (nothing ) and suppression ("you can't be mad").
• remain in position, "I'm a good enough parent" and "my child is good", regardless of what people will say about his behavior (to separate the person from actions);
• correctly to support the child, so he learned himself to support; not to comfort, so that quickly ceased to be sad and to talk about what you see hear and accept the experiences of the child;

Thus, education is both simple and complicated at the same time. Simple - because it is about the life of the parents with the child without any abstruse techniques and methods. Maybe that's why our grandmothers did not bother with the education, they just LIVED with children.

And complicated - because the life of every family is unique and every parent need to look for the way of "education" and parenthood, to make their own decisions and to bear for them responsibility. And for this you need to understand their own needs, desires and values, which due to the peculiarities of our culture for a long time suppressed and depreciated.

for parents, for whom the child's upbringing has turned into a chore, and who believe that children - this is happiness, but I don't know where it went, I and my colleague launch in January 2018 LIVE ONLINE COURSE with our support and feedback: "HELP YOURSELF UNDERSTAND CHILD."

This course is for those who want to truly make a difference in the new year to start a new life! We will not just study the information and learn new skills!

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With the passion and care about You
Anna Kolesov
psychologist-consultant, online consultant
(SPb, Skype, whatsapp)