Often, even if the person says "No" - it looks insecure and still have to fulfill what you did not want initially. "No" is a sign of personal boundaries, it's about trespassing someone.

If you think about it, the reasons for the inability to refuse to have historical roots. Before, when our grandmothers and mothers were children, to get into someone else's space, handing out advice right and left, raise their indications of other children to poke their nose into other people's business was considered the norm. For this reason, defending personal boundaries is true to this day. People are afraid to say "no" because they are afraid their failure to provoke a conflict. A year ago I had a few customers with this problem and their wording was something like this " I used to be good, and if I refuse, I become bad, I'll concede." This type of statements often found in life. In fact, conflicts are always manageable, clarifying its position by offering something in return. So maintain the balance in the relationship.

the Ability to deny a useful skill, and it can be learned.

first we need to mentally learn to say "no". Explore by yourself or with a psychologist - " And what's the worst that will happen after my failure?". Also if you constantly impose their own solutions close family member, the answer to the question " What needs to happen so I could(La) deny?". You need to understand where that boundary when you can't endure what you do not like.
There are psychologists that would be able to say a firm "no", you need to learn to say a firm "Yes".
you Can practice failures on the street, starting small. Will share their experience in this matter. I learned to say "no" to strangers on the street - distributors of leaflets, promoters. These failures helped me to feel more confident and to understand that I'm right.
it is Very important to understand "what I really want" (from personal relationships to work). If I know what I want, then I will refuse unnecessary without sediment in the form of guilt!

Learn to refuse the boss is not less important! You need to know his powers and not to take on excess capacity; it is always possible to designate the leadership of his workload at this stage of the work; for failure to say "I'm a little busy, but later will return to this issue", "Now I got work to do, if I won't be able to do everything" or " what I refuse (what cases orders) to fulfill your order?" etc. The main thing to refuse reasonable and fair and then the failure does not cause doubts.

Keep your boundaries is an important duty of every human being.

Snezhana Zakharova
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