Hello, dear parents, and all those interested in the topic of human relationships!

Today I want to talk about a fairly popular technique as "active listening". I'm sure many have heard about it. "Active listening" is an alternative to the usual communication between parent and child. Many parents have used this technique or trying to use it.

In this article I am not going to tell you about the advantages of the technique of "active listening", as well as about how exactly to use it as material on this subject is very much on the network. Including the famous book of Julia Borisovna Gippenreiter "Miracles active listening". The book is written in an interesting and accessible language, it provides practical examples.

I want to talk about the difficulties that may arise from the man who inspired such good purpose – to learn to apply this technique in communicating with the child. As well as share your thoughts about how to overcome these difficulties.

Information about what I'm going to tell, I did not come across, so I'm going to rely on their own experience and the experiences of parents who have come to me for advice.

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so, when the child we are talking, of course, we react. It happens that in our soul is born the joy, pride, surprise, affection, tenderness – a pleasant experience.

But it also happens that during a conversation there are very different feelings.

Take, for example, the situation of life. Son the younger student told his mother that he got into a fight with a classmate.

What emotional response possible from your mother?

Anger ("you Always create problems")

- the Shame ("What do you say people?")

- Confusion, helplessness ("now What do I do?")

- Fear ("Oh, the horror! What will happen next?!")

Wine ("I'm a bad mother, can not cope with the child's behavior")

of Course, there are other possible emotional responses and their combinations.

There is nothing wrong to experience emotions. We live and we respond. However, if emotions are super-strong and unconscious, the parent will be difficult to hold down a steady position of the listener. If the affective stream will be covered with a head, the parent will start:

- to give unsolicited advice,

- to condemn a child to problems,

- to moralize, to read "preaching"

- unable to bear the tension, to go into any activity or simply physically removed.

Even if the parent with willpower, try to restrain yourself from actions, statements, nonverbal manifestations, he still can't hide 100% (e.g. tight jaw, pale skin, frightened look).

Thus, your own super-strong feelings a parent can be a barrier during conversation with the child.

What, then, should parents do?

As usual, magic recipe I have, but there are some considerations and recommendations.

1) you Can, for example, to praise himself: "I have already done, because he decided(a) to learn such useful techniques like active listening".

2) Then say to yourself: "I have already twice done that I realize that my own reactions prevent me to listen and hear my baby."

3) to Arm themselves with emotions of interest, curiosity, research and friendly attitude ("I Wonder what happens in my soul when I talk with my child?")

4) while talking with your child from time to time focus attention on themselves, namely:

- on the emotional sphere ("What am I feeling when my child is telling me this?")

- body sensation ("How my body reacts to what I hear?")

5) the information about yourself to explore. Independently or with the assistance of a psychologist.

6) get Ready to interesting discoveries about yourself!

In General, all as always: to hear Another, you must first hear Myself.

I Wish you a harmonious relationship with your children!

Author: Gladun Elena