everyone has a right to say NO. Point. Does this make you selfish? Possible. And that's good. Because selfish is the man who takes care of herself. And only such a person is able in consequence to take care of others.
If you constantly deny yourself all for the sake of "happiness of others", won't bring you any. And certainly won't be happy. And most importantly, that the people around you happy will not. Most likely, your sacrifice even their annoying start. And it turns out that, voluntarily putting herself on the altar of service to loved ones (or to whom you have decided to serve), any good you did neither himself nor others.
But how? And so, as written in the safety rules. Where? For example, in the plane. Remember the notorious "first put the mask on yourself"? And so it should. Just maintaining yourself healthy, happy and full of energy, we will be able to help others. Selfishness is it? Rather, the sense of self-preservation.
the Ability to deny and defend its borders – is vital. The policy of compromise and lack of clear rules will provoke constant raids on your territory. As a result, you will be mad, exhausting, and take it out on those of others who seek to "hurt good."
Psychologists don't work without request. Did you hear that? This is also a series of borders that we have no right to violate. Until you invite us to come in and ask for help, nobody has the right to cross the threshold of your personal space and especially something you impose. And this rule applies to all – teachers, doctors, parents and partners.
the Last time this topic received wide publicity. Parents suddenly realized that understanding the child their boundaries and right to say "no" to an adult can help protect children from potential violence. Here only first parents have to learn to respect those boundaries. All violence begins in the family. Not you? Sure? How many times have we all been witnesses to scenes where children are literally forced to eat, sleep and even go to the toilet? Yes, we believe that "know how" in its quest to make children as "convenient". But do we realize that their actions teach them that trespassing is the norm. We kiss and tickle, give nicknames and make fun of, criticize and make. This is where our "parental rights"? Or do our children also have the right to say "no"? Of course, we are not talking about situations where your decision affects the child's life. In all other cases you are obliged to listen to the opinion even of the smallest person.
a Ban on unwanted physical contact, refusal to comply with requests, stopping bad actions– all normal human limits and you are allowed to build them the way you want and comfortable. You have the right to go to the country and not to choke the hated cheese, you can get away with a bad movie or boring dinner parties, you should say "no" to the screaming head, and to resist groping you, the neighbor, and of course, you have full right to terminate are not satisfied with your relationship. To tolerate something, to change their plans in favor of another and share the latest you can solely because YOU want to. In all other cases, just say "no."
so, normal healthy selfishness is a good thing. You have the right to refuse any whose claims and requests violate your personal boundaries and comfort. With the same success can refuse you, including your own children. In any relationship it is important to strike a balance. Respecting yourself, you learn to respect others.