Hello, continuing the topic of toxic parents, today I want to talk about such an unpleasant phenomenon as the transfer of negative feelings mother addressed to her husband, her child. It is when a child is accused of being the son or daughter of your father, very similar to it.

Every time I look at a child, a mother remembers his father and remembers his grudges against him. Seeing the child the traits of her father, she can not restrain himself, and constantly picking on him. That is, reproaches that are actually addressed to the father showered on the child, with his immature psyche.

Let's look at the bonuses for the mother by her behavior :

- first: the MOTHER is trying to absolve themselves of responsibility for flaws in the child's upbringing.

-second: when in a family the father figure is reputed to be disgusting and when everyone is aware of the hatred and disgust that a mother has for the father, then such a promise is the most stringent and effective techniques for managing their child. This is when the child almost paralyzed , faced with a mother's observation that he is, he says, like his father.

-third: the mother forms the image of self - sacrifice caught in a difficult relationship with the father of the child, and now she is seeking support and understanding from a son or daughter. And the child feeling a sense of guilt towards the mother for what he or she like a tyrant of a father puts a lot of effort in order to compensate for the guilt of the father by their care or total obedience.

is child?

- He feels not simply devoid of a sense of security and safety, and to blame for everything that's going on with mom. He seeks to do what it asks, well, perfect. It turns into a perpetual motion machine: it is constantly trying to make amends to the mother for. he looked like a man who brought so much grief to mother. But no matter how well he did, the mother still criticize him. And then he again and again atones for his guilt. In his desire to please his mother so the child can forget about his own desires. He and it formed a complex good boy or good girl when all of his actions he wants to earn from the mother's approval and acceptance.

in addition, growing up, a child experiences tremendous difficulties in building relationships in the pair, because he feels so guilty for everything that happens. He struggles to be the best, but always finds all the new flaws, and castigates himself. The majority of these boys and girls, there is a tendency to self-abasement and to build co-dependent relationships. . He seeks approval and praise from every person that comes his way .So, the basic sense of broadcast in the world is the sense of neurotic guilt.

But if you know in yourself a mother:

be Aware of your resentment towards her ex-husband . Be aware of the fact that the transfer of this resentment on your child. Be aware of the fact that your relationship with your husband is the sphere of your influence . Your child is not to blame. Solve, questions please your husband without using your child. And with the baby we need to talk, even if he is 50 years old, never late. Tell him about your feelings, explain their behavior and ask his forgiveness.

If you know in yourself that child:

You, unlike your mother chose your father and you can't choose who you to be like . So you were charged what you were not to blame. Realize that mother's accusations saying that she was not allowed a relationship with your dad, but the relationship between mom and dad is their area of responsibility. This means that from now on, everything that is outside your area of responsibility is not relevant to your life . So the fact that you look like your father only says that you are his daughter or son. And that the laws of genetics, obviously , you are just like him. The fact of your similarities does not make you a bad person. This question is not yours, it is an unsettled question your parents. Do you have your own questions here and solve them.

Elena Belous
Статья выложена в ознакомительных целях. Все права на текст принадлежат ресурсу и/или автору (B17 B17)

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