What is a lie? This question has tormented humanity from time immemorial. Of course! The answer to it depends on many things. Not only philosophical problems, for example whether to consider subjective reality deception of our brain, but also a very specific situation.
One customer has shared a case which over the years has said comical. At some period of his life he and his fiancee had to live in different cities. One night he called her, as usual. To the question: "are You home?", - he received a positive answer as to the question: "are you all right?". It is a routine situation. If he subsequently learned that on this day his bride was not alone, but in company with two African-American students at the local University. Well, experimented girl, and all that. But the most remarkable thing in this story is that during the showdown, the girl genuinely did not understand the essence of the claims, she told the truth! "Are you home?" - "I'm home", "Everything's fine" - "Everything's just fine!". The relationship was terminated, but my client remained in a mild surprise, because really, he doesn't directly lied, but in the end, he was deceived. Paradox.
And there is nothing paradoxical would not it be if we recognized the fact that withholding information is a lie, but only the information that matters to me, lying about what he knows. That is, I have to be aware that the information that I'm hiding from the other, meaningful to him. The bride understands that under the terms of the social rituals expected of it by allegiance to the groom. Or another example, many understand that to know about their roots is important, but I still prefer not to tell foster children that they adopted. And it often leads to unpleasant cases when the child finds out about this from strangers. Full of such examples, but we strongly continue to believe in "white lies".
Often we believe that their lies can protect people from negative emotions. We prefer not to tell the truth, that I don't upset anyone, not to attract attention. And this raises a few questions. First – how do I know that other person good? Even if it is my child. Could I not say the truth will protect him, will help you become stronger? Maybe the pain from that obtained with the activator of inner growth? And let's be honest, often when I'm talking about the welfare of another person, I mean their own welfare. For example, a common myth that ignorance of the fact of treason can save the relationship from collapse. Say they do not want to upset partner, as I his (its) love, therefore, concealment of treason – pure lies. And about whose welfare I care in this case? Of course, his. I don't want to recognize the destructiveness of a relationship, not satisfaction in them. I find it easier to torture yourself and partner, if only not to change anything, not to make decisions and to take responsibility.
the Second point, which confuses the existence of "lies" is human isolation, hiding their true condition, their needs, I remain alone with their demons. And this is the problem of the social scale. My colleague will emit positive and respectability, prosperity in all things, until he is found hung in the bathroom. Imagine that someone chooses such a radical way of solving problems, instead of the banal "speak out", scary. We are afraid to open up, to show their vulnerability. Because it's more convenient for everyone. Behind the smiles in Instagram are hiding untold stories and pain.
of Course, everyone will find thousands of reasons that no lies anywhere it is vital. But what we need to be a little careful. To start to yourself. To listen and understand what you really want, hiding something what goal you have. To be attentive to another - your friend, relative, colleague. And then, we'll find a way of life and relationships without unnecessary constructs and myths.