Why you should not engage in self-blame


For an ugly act must be followed by punishment. Dostoyevsky wrote about it. Remember, from the curriculum in literature? 

However, he wrote about the transgression of the law, but this article will speak about what feels as the crime. A careless word, an inappropriate behavior, in General, social offenses, their subjective perception. 

it is also important to mention that the entire text shown here apply to healthy people, critical of their condition and are able to empathize. 

Interestingly, the first person he is looking for a punishment, as if trying to make amends. Start of self-reproach, of remorse, in the most different and sophisticated form, up to suicide. In fact, it is an attempt to avoid real punishment, that is responsible.

But you need to clearly understand the difference between a fault and responsibility

From a legal point of view, it is the same, or at least they are connected. The one who committed the crime is guilty, and some dictionaries say that the fault is a transgression and equating them to each other. 

But we're talking about feeling guilt, which liability is not due, because the first sense, while the second probably refers to awareness and rationality. And our brain is extremely lazy: rationality and the General process of thinking - a waste of precious energy. Make informed decisions energy-intensive, and sometimes almost physically painful. responsible - energy-consuming and sometimes physically difficult.

But the misconduct must be punished, right? Looms a logical schema.

1. First committed the crime. 

that is, there is some event that the individual perceives as a crime. Something that contradicts his ideas about the current course of events. It is very well illustrated by simple examples: broken dishes, scattered toys, fighting with each other. Something important happens, may be followed by punishment. 

2. Then there is the emotional response: feelings of guilt, accompanied by sadness, fear, aggression.

This is a result of cognitive dissonance due to violation of understanding ("I could do!"), because of the emotional connection with a significant person ("I hurt her"), out of fear of rejection ("Mother give me to the orphanage"). The language reflects mental processes that at this moment the crowd in the head. By the way, an important role is played here the patterns of interaction learned in childhood, except that the main character's actions change. Mother partner. The orphanage at the risk of breaking. 

3. Out of autoaggression as an attempt to protect yourself from negativity, to protect themselves from fear, grow soobwenie thoughts, words and behavior.

In General autoaggression is self-incrimination, but there is something over long time and completely displacing responsibility. But it is nothing like the adoption of the incident and its consequences. That is, the acceptance of the fact that I - as a person with defined beliefs and values, defined by affection, consider yourself person - still did it.

Without this acceptance there is a conflict, because you do not make a good person of such actions. Don't break the cups, not cheating on spouses, I'm not lying about the disease. And if don't, and not responsible for the consequences.

the Brain chooses the only way out: the surrogate responsibility, self-blame. The more serious the misconduct, the stronger the repentance, istotnie resource, and maloveroyatno adopt a perfect. It's much easier than to clean it up, or start the divorce process. Self-blame, as if they are removing the accused from the offense.

What can you do that?

Realizing that you are engaged in self-blame, try to track the origin of this exhausting process. Look for the resource and support in a safe environment, talk to those who will not condemn (and you perfectly cope with it). Meet with the consequences.

In the end, it's better than constantly hanging out on the waves of the endless failing yourself. 

Статья выложена в ознакомительных целях. Все права на текст принадлежат ресурсу и/или автору (B17 B17)

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