I Know one woman who is 60 years remembered how her husband never returned the money borrowed them from her, bride, on his wedding suit. She died of cancer. . I know another woman 28 years old, who bore her husband two sons and divorced him, because he could not forgive scour the Internet pornokartinki young men with older women.
And You met offended people? For example, adults, who still resent their parents? About the offense a lot of things written and said. Maybe nothing new to say, but still...
Let's try to reflect on what is — the offense (with eng.yaz. — resentment). The offense — a condition in which we again and again scrolling within the memory of some event touched us, feeling the anger and helplessness. If the offense — strong, we scrolled the incident mentally day and night, nothing else to think, make plans of revenge or even implement them.
In the yoga sutras of Patanjali Muni says that the offense similar in nature with other harmful things in the world like drugs, gambling, sex, etc. Because we are fast becoming slaves to them, and they — the center of our existence. He also points to the resentment (as the experience of spectrum dvesha-hatred) as one of the five sources of suffering in our mind, growing out of ignorance. Resentment puts us in a vicious circle: resentment breeds anger, anger breeds violence, violence breeds pain, pain breeds resentment, and so on… So that the offense — the method of accumulation of anger leading to conflicts and war.
the Offense is still possible to compare the metallic ball which man kindles the fire until broad daylight, and presses to his heart, and carries with him, so when the opportunity to throw it at the offender.
One teacher, tired of the fact that the children in the class hate each other, brought a bag of potatoes, each asked to write on a potato the names of those whom he hates, and left the bag next to the blackboard. After a few days the children noticed the smell, she began to complain. She said: “Let it stay here for a while to let you know that you can smell Your heart, where the rot of resentment”. So resentment can accumulate and poison us from the inside.
When we hurt, we look at the world through the prism of pain, can't do productive things because resentment takes a lot out of you. Communication becomes less, because usually people don't want to deal with the ever resentful. We can become so distrustful and suspicious that others will feel the desire to be justified before us, even if nothing wrong we did. Who likes this?
Confucius once said: “virtuous — it means to be a free soul. People who are constantly angry at someone, constantly afraid of something, indulging the passions cannot be free. And who cannot be a free soul - the seeing will not see, hearing will not hear of eating, can not distinguish the taste”.
Tolstoy wrote about anger and resentment like this: “drop by Drop fills the bucket; and a man becomes full of evil, even if he collected it slowly, if he allows himself to be angry with people. Evil returns to the one who made it, as well as dust thrown against the wind. Neither the sky nor the sea, nor deep in the mountains, no place in the whole world, in which man could be freed from the evil which in his heart”.
Well, for completeness: grievances and cancer are related to each other, as shown ecopsychological research. Epidemiologists of Russia noted that over the past 10 years doctors have identified 18% more cancer patients than previously, and ascertain the epidemic. And scientists, for fun, who studied the mummies of Egypt on the subject of cancer, found no one who died from cancer. Doctors disagree about the causes of cancer, as there are no guaranteed cures. Unforgiven resentments live in our body and mind, and in conjunction with other adverse factors (environment, nutrition, chronic stress, etc.) trigger the growth of tumors.
And now let us ask ourselves who are the worst of our grievances? Us or the offenders? It looks like we. Offended people suffer twice — from the fact of your offense and what this offense keeps to himself. As they say in a famous aphorism, “resentment — this is the poison we drink in hopes that he would die by someone else”.
If resentment grows in the soil of ignorance, what is our mistake? The wise say that the grievances arise, if we want everything in this world and always was on our way. Can we reconsider this your belief?
If You've read this text until the end, and noticed that the ‘worms resentment” are found in Your thoughts and feelings, beware. Look for ways to forgive and be free to move on. Well, if not impossible — to ask the experts. Psychologists and psychotherapists have tried and tested many ways to help the person to overcome resentment.
as a self help you can watch the film “the forgiveness of the Amish" (2010). There's a great phrase: “Hatred — this is a very big, very hungry thing with lots of sharp teeth, and she'll eat your heart, and not leave space for love”.
But you can still remind myself of this story. Nelson Mandela, educated lawyer who defended the rights of black people in South Africa were never put in jail and stayed there for 28 years. Bill Clinton, US President, met him at the gate of the prison, when Mandela was released, and asked if he hurt his captors. Mundell said: “No”. “Why?” asked Clinton. “Because I want to be free” came the reply.
Be healthy and happy)