In writing this article, I nudged a recent case from my practice. Once, in a personal message, my patient wrote: "I love you, Galina!" I am not going to analyze the process of psychotherapy – I "will look" in his heart a simple human understanding, "listening" to these "strong words" to feel, "what they want"? What is waiting for these words?
I could not answer: "I do too" - not. I knew that this recognition was not only gratitude, but also fear of rejection, and anxious expectation born of hope. They probably actually sounded like this: "You don'T love me TOO?" or "can you love me?" or "Can I do someone to love, really?"
I said, not said, and the "unspeakable"
"I can't not love you, because you came to me "child".
And it was true. On the psychotherapy come the "body" and "soul" - the wounded, tormented, lonely, misunderstood and UNACCEPTED... It's wounded children in adult bodies, expecting at least someone will understand not only what they said, but "without words". And "love" them "without conditions" as yourself...?
It's memory, many years ago I came home after I learned that has been accepted to study psychology at the Institute of Practical Psychology and Psychoanalysis in Moscow. Autumn. Metro. Half-empty cars. I felt that my life makes a "sharp turn" - I'm a psychologist and I help people. But for this I must "love all people". Is it possible? To love the profession is important, but love is more important than people, otherwise the profession will turn into a hobby.
Opposite me in the subway were two homeless. They were dirty, sinful, they were smelling bad.... I looked at them and thought: "And I will be able to love?" I found "your" answer. For some reason I remembered how in Orthodoxy the priests address their congregation: "my Son, my daughter..."
"of Course," thought I, "I should treat "them" as to their children.
After all, adoption is "not an endorsement", the adoption is "what is".
sincerely, Shchetinina Galina.