"I hate my parents!"
What you feel when you see such a phrase? What emotions it evokes in you?
I bet you could have Association with a teenager, and can remember himself at this age?
We've come to associate adolescence as a period of separation, separation, separation, withdrawal from the influence of significant people, parental influence. It is a period of identity formation, finding himself in this world, the formation of their way of life scenario.
But technically, the separation from the parent occurs at the time of cutting of umbilical cord, and everything else – the issues of parenting and relationships.
Hatred of parents in the teenage world – this is normal. In some ways even positive.
eventually, hate becomes complex, sophisticated feeling. It breaks into a hundred shades and half-tones, and rebellious teenager, his way of growing up, may well be loving, grateful and accepting of the child of their parents.
But what to do when you hate your parents as for adults person?
Not love their parents, a phenomenon blamed public. This is difficult to admit even to himself, and say such things publicly, as for adults man, quite dangerous. Like, hatred of parents is a sign of nesformirovannost, immaturity.
Man admits not the most warm feelings toward her parents someone else at risk to hear: "you gave me life", "they are only for you and live", "others have no parents, and they would be happy in your place".
Public criticism led to feelings of guilt and shame. Is something wrong? I MUST love of their parents. And the feelings of love there. And what do I do?
adults people can hate their parents?
Hate for the offense caused to them in the crucial moments of their lives.
Hate for ignoring, distancing, avoidance.
Hate for oppression, devaluation, and oppression.
Hate for neglecting the demands and needs.
Hate for dislike, coldness, harshness and cruelty.
it is Worth saying that to hate is to experience the vivid and strong sense of hostility, rejection, and disagreement – can only be that for you significantly. If you hate your parents – they are still important and valuable to you.
the analogy with a plant. The seed may have any soil cold, damp, dry, well-ventilated, rotten, warm, with high acidity, wetlands and so on to infinity options. A seed becomes a sprout, is formed in the soil, gradually adapting to the conditions in which she found herself.
Rostock is necessary to demonstrate the power, flexibility and the will to grow up. Through the resistance and pressure of the germ emerges to the surface, becoming very small, immature plant, but applying for a place under the sun.
What happens next? For the growth and development of the germ becomes more demanding. He asks soils more space – he needs to put more immature deeper roots. It requires more water because it grows and is formed. It requires more sun and gets offended if it turns out in the shadow of his older "brothers".
in plants it is easier – the costs them to reject the soil in which they sprouted, and they face imminent death.
We may hate their parents, to Express his accusations and his claims. But are we really going to emerge as an independent person, if the feeling of hatred in itself indicates the existence of a relationship?
At the beginning of the article, I appealed to your senses – what do you feel when you think about hating your parents. The brighter your emotional response, the more useful it can be for you these tips:
1) If you've caught yourself on such thought – don't be scared of her. Do not hide from it and don't deny it. You have the right to feel what you really felt, not what is "supposed" to feel.
2) be Aware of the need to talk about it. For starters, make a commitment to talk about it even to himself, and after – in a safe environment.
3) Hatred – a very bright feeling. Divide it into smaller and more narrow. Write a great full list of what you are experiencing. It can be: resentment, fear, dislike, anger, anger, anger, anger is, disappointment, frustration, insult, resistance, envy, disobedience, contempt, disgust, stung by the depression, concern, anxiety, fear, the fear, the isolation, the bleakness, the helplessness, the vulnerability, weakness, desertion, dejected, exhaustion, shame, guilt, humiliation, discomfort, heaviness, stupor, shock...
4) Try to map each of these feelings with a particular episode or episodes of life. It can be quite "harmless" pictures from childhood, and can be a traumatic event. Be mentally prepared for this.
5) decide for yourself – how significant are these events for your present life. What is their impact, what is the imprint they leave on your life. How important is it for you today and why? How much you dependent on them in your life?
Finally, reveal the secret of separation can occur at any age. Even if the parents are not to have direct effect, and you feel quite independent of them, inside you always have the images of your parents with their attitudes and their view of the world. That it you can experience completely different feelings.
And only you can decide – will you continue to reject the soil in which formed, or try to absorb everything possible to fight for a place under the sun.