Recently, on the phone, I was contacted by a young girl. She cried and was extremely depressed. Her speech was inconsistent, did not have any focus. Request and, as such, initially, could not be detected - so called incoherent flux. Each of the judgments girls are usually presented in the form of negative characteristics of his inner world or yourself in General: "terrible", "dark", "infinite", "empty" and all in this spirit. The problem was existential sense and was characterized as "a fear of inner darkness and loneliness," which was understood as an intensive suppression of the part of the individual. In addition to this image, were revealed a number of similar and very vivid stories from the category: "I like to smoke because the smoke represents oblivion in which I would like to drown". Oh Yes, the status of the smoke became her banner. Drugs, promiscuous sex, many day trips, friends, cigarettes, alcohol and other "money illusions" behind which lurk in total fear. All this helped her to escape the criticism more mundane, everyday aspects of personality, namely, feelings of shame due to problems with excess weight.
But we have to admit, the fantasy of the girl worked 110%. We have found the main point of growth.
Below are some excerpts from our dialogue
(T. - therapist-To - client):
T. Tell me what exactly is bothering you? You could list?
All! Anything... I don't want to live like the others, to wash dishes, to put up with a female role, and I'm afraid to be alone. I always need people.
T. what is "loneliness" in your understanding?
CA Emptiness, endless emptiness. She leans in, presses down and I feel small and vulnerable, and it is huge! Endless... I'm scared.
Then we cleared and "consumer" fears and questions women's roles, about which the client has mentioned earlier. During the dialogue it became clear that the girl is very much complex about appearance and for this reason she was reminded of the occasion when a young man made her snide remark about it. In addition, it cleared up and the guilt associated with the death of parents, the fact of living in a foster family and the narcissistic defense (idealization-devaluation), which framed the perception of some lyrical ideals, for example, the dedicated writer or a mad Creator, whose absent-mindedness, it is rather a privilege than a factor of complications. She talked about it in the following way, "but I can't do it all! Don't want to die doing the wiping of the dust, I need to be creative!". Put it all together therapeutic mosaic and short-term assistance was very real.
T. You said that the welfare to you is secondary.
CA Yeah, that's not what I need... and my appearance. I am constantly trying to lose weight, I did it, but now I have no strength. It's sheer apathy, and I'm not capable of.
T. However, you decided to call. It's a bold, strong-willed act.
K. I decided that if no one picks up, I'll drink vinegar...
I Confess at this point I was slightly stunned, but, of course, not filed. Moreover, the theme has shifted to the new area. "Appearance - that's it!".
T. And now your "dark" with you?
C. Yes, but not so much. When we cease to speak, she again invade.
T. what does she need?
K. I, crush...
T. You say that like "dark", it is something otherworldly and mystical. At the same time, only you see it.
K. What does it mean? br>
T. what, you probably came up with it. It is only in your head, I personally do not see it. (laughing) That is not observed near a black hole. br>
K. Well, that's kind of... weird. br>
T. What exactly?
K. Then, I never thought about it like that.
T. in addition, if "darkness" in your head, then it it is YOU! Some part of you that you are forgetting that you weren't allowed to show. For example, routine, way of life or accept yourself and your body.
K. I understand that it is easier for me from that thought. You want to say, I control it?
T. of Course! Can you imagine her as a very sad person who hurt you. All he can do is scare you. The only way you notice it. He is now with you. Cries, complains, gets offended, and you think you don't need it. But no, very much needed. After all, it is your strength which you decided to forget. But it is not so easy. br>
because It is amazing! Thank You. I thought there is nothing for me, but... that's unexpected.
so Here was our dialogue in key moments of it (of course, the whole conversation would take a lot more space). A month later, the girl was called again for another problem and again was something very concerned about, however, to the problem of "darkness" and "infinite emptiness", we never returned. She invented a special spell for this occasion, "It's me, but if I'm all in my hands".