"Я так боюсь, что мы расстанемся"...

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In the beginning of our relationship, especially after the first intimacy, we often declared partner their property. "My prey", "will not give"...And wonder when he escapes...

at First begin to check his phone or correspondence in social networks. And harmless text can trigger our jealousy, because personal boundaries are not yet established. You have not yet agreed - that allowed each of you and what will not tolerate. And mistrust can completely kill a just-born relationship.

fear is what drives Us "to be rejected", which is irrational, and it appears because of our insecurity as a manifestation of our "co-dependence".

"co-dependency" (emotional dependence on another person) is not a disease. Her reason - in our early childhood, when (most often) a bit over protective parents did not allow the child to interact with other people, be responsible for their actions and words, not taught to manage their emotions (including anger), to empathize, to be able to respect the authority of others, and not blindly obey him; to be able to Express their feelings and overcome their fears.
this is parental love.

But what do we do if we don't know how?

Maybe now, as adults, it's time to take responsibility for their problems on themselves? And not to wait until they will decide someone else...

Recently met on YouTube a curious technique of overcoming the fear of loneliness proposed by the Indian sage Mooji. Look at her, please. And at the bottom I will give her interpretation.

At the beginning of the dialogue, the woman said that when she rejects - she feels that she is "out of control" (and in the Russian language the expression "to freak out" means an uncontrolled rage).
There is a very curious theory, which the author - M. Scott peck, argues that :

"In some respects - but certainly not in all, the act of love is also an act of regression (past - approx. ed.). The feeling of merging with a loved one, has its echoes since the days when we were closely associated with our mothers in infancy"...(B. D. Weinhold)

That is, having lost the head from love, we perceive a loved one as well as a baby-Mama. It concluded the whole world, the whole universe. We want to be with him, to hear his voice.
And we want to get from him what you never gave us a mother - the feeling of security, protection from the outside world. And just as afraid to lose him (as a mother).

of Course, this is only the case when in childhood we did not get parental love, and we feel uncertainty in the forces.

And it is not because we (as men often think), "predator" and "bitches"...

we Continue the analysis of the dialogue client and the sage.

"why do you think men reject You?"

- Because...I want to catch this man...

And the man, sensing a trap, but it ran away...Really, M is right - this hunt may like only someone with low self-esteem. "Wow! For me, the unworthy - noticed!" And that is only its short-term response.

"the Relationship is a reason to look inside ourselves," says sage. Excessive pressure in this case will only hurt... a Woman attracted to man only when he feels freedom, not the imposition of love-money relations. "I give you This - and you have to give me Something..."

what to do if you do not feel that inner freedom and want to hold onto another person (like a child - for the mother)? How to become free and to enjoy the relationship?

Technique Muju.

In the silence ask yourself a question: "And who is interested in this relationship"? And become the Observer, contemplating the situation from the outside - from the outside. Remember, what feelings , sensations, associations emerged.
In the role of Observer - think - what afraid woman? The worst that will happen if the situation escalates, and this woman break up with this man? Who will have to suffer?

That is - ask yourself 3 questions:
1. That the worst this woman happens if it is rejected?
2. This woman threw...Analyze what must she be feeling now? (right now)
3. Understand at the level of mind - so what are you really afraid of?

do Not dive into this situation completely. You are ONLY a Watcher.

Try to understand: this abandoned woman - You or this is someone else's projection, contrived way?
now play the game where you are only the observer, the Director, who can give your characters a different character and any model of behavior. Create a real - life situation and play a new role!

And then you will feel freedom from the need to fear loneliness. Because - really - you'll have prepared in advance, were eager to be thrown.

And when you get rid of behavior "predator" (as forms of protection) - that will be truly appealing for men...After all, constantly protecting and defending their weaknesses - we spend a lot of energy, instead of just Live!

"the Skill to constantly monitor what is happening within you - said the sage - very useful and can be useful to you in any situation." Try it!

From the author: When I watched this video I remembered the song-the parable Svetlana Kopylova in which the person, after death, had the opportunity to analyze their way of life.

So, it may be wise not to wait for death, and begin to LIVE in the here and now? And fight your fears (including fear of abandonment)? For the love! For freedom! For the happiness!

If You are interested in this theme - click "subscribe to author" at the bottom of the article. And until we meet again on this wonderful website б17! With respect - Elena Olkhovich.

Olkhovich Elena
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